I know you all think that I should hang in there.. but after my conversation with H today it almost seems pointless. He said he's in a haze.. and that majority of the time he thinks it's the right decision and a permanent decision for us to be apart. He said the odd time he thinks otherwise but most of the time he's sure. He said he sometimes wonders if it will take me really being gone for him to snap out of it.. he's doubtful about that though. He said that he's pretty sure that if the haze ever lifts it will be a long time from now.. but that he's certain he will look back and say "what have I done". He said that he can't ask me to wait for him because it's not fair.. especially when he doesn't think he's ever coming back. He doesn't view me as a wife... he's trying to think of me as a friend again but mostly he views me as D2's Mommy and that's it. He said when we have sex he is a man that is attracted to a woman.. he totally takes emotion and our relationship out of the equation.
Guess he told me where I stand. I was a basketcase through all of this. I am really back at square 1 at this point.. I begged and pleaded and cried... I was an absolute mess. Do I ignore everything he's said?? I know that's what DR says but he seems so determined.. and I am just so very tired.. I'm not sure if I have the strength to carry on.. I love him but is that enough, I don't know.
