I think it's great that the two of you are being able to start talking a bit! Although the subject matter might not always be exactly what you want it to be, I think you're off to a great start! What things are you doing that you think makes it easier for him to open up to you a bit more during these conversations?
As for the D subject, yes, be patient with this. I've seen so many cases here where a spouse was sooo sure they wanted a D, but for some reason, they kept dragging their feet on completing the process. You might want to do like we talked about above, and not even mention anything about the D. Keep your focus off of it, and concentrate on making the most of your time together.
He told me that it had suddenly dawned on him that he was 50 years old and hadn't accomplished anything of importance in his life, that he wasn't 30 any more and couldn't do all of the things that he used to be able to do
Yep, this seems to be so common. Even with guys that age that aren't technically going through MLC. There seems to be something about turning 40 and 50 that can trigger it. Add to that his Father's passing away, and it's easy to understand why he might be taking a look at where his life is. Through his own perceptions at this time.
The hard part for you is to try to recognise the fact that it really may not be all about you, and your marriage. I'm sure at times that this is what he lashes out at for being the reasons, but it usually goes much deeper than that. It's often a time when a guy looks back on what his dreams were when he was younger, and realizes that things don't always work out exactly as planned. Not so much that things are bad, just that they aren't what they thought they would be 20 or 30 years ago. So much to do, and so little time left.
What were some of his dreams when he was younger? What things did he want to get accomplished in life? Places to go, people to meet? Ambitions that were unmet? Have the two of you ever talked about this at all?
If he were to be able to write a eulogy for his own memorial services, what do you think he'd like to be able to say about his life?
What important contributions has he made in his lifetime as a person that you think he might overlook, may have minimized, and/or might not think have been appreciated?
I'll stop here for now!
Last edited by Jamesjohn; 09/01/0305:46 PM.
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
