perhaps the only reason I was able to db and get my h to come home was that there really wasn't much to miss...
we didn't go out together... didn't even sleep together half the time h was on the couch.. weren't intimate emotionally or physically... didn't laugh didn't talk.. didn't have a r.. h wasn't around much and when he was he was doing his own thing.. I took care of what needed to be done with the children and things in the home... I took care of what needed to be done with myself... h was simply here...paying the bills...a male presence in the house...(sure asleep on the couch but here)
h just doesn't get it... his customers he jumps for..whatever they need...he's there...over doing for them whatever they need to have done..responding to their calls promptly...making time for them always..
me?? I ask him to pick up a couple gallons of paint from the hardware store he's at all the time so I can paint our bedroom...ya know what..LL's just going to have to find a local store that carries that brand and get it herself..
while h was gone and even when he first came home...he did the dishes...he was alert..he made time for the kids and for me...now h can't even rinse off his dish...never mind put it in the dishwasher..and time for me and the kids??? forget it...h is just the wallet around here...and the sad thing is...I don't feel like I would be loosing a whole lot if I decided to tell him to get out!!
Quoting lostlove: Quote: (sage) ..here's the dilemma -- you made a lovely gesture and expected a particular response from h. As impossible as it is, can you make the gestures w/o expecting something from him?
become a waw??? sure no problem...I'll just keep on doing what I do...loving h...getting little in return..feeling neglected...letting it go..expecting nothing...til one day I just give up...sounds good to me..infact I think that's the path I'm already on.
LL --- I wasn't suggesting that you become a waw -- stuffing your feelings and expecations. I was asking if you could "let go" of the expectations -- not hold them in and feel angry and disappointed!
I'm not sure if I should post this here, on your new thread or nowhere. OK, here -- my first post this morning (and it apparently missed the mark) was an attempt to "wonder" if you could DB your current sitch -- back to the basics of -- what you're doing isn't working...you're not happy with current state of M....what could you be doing differently? what 180s might you try? what would some short term goals be, etc.
Judging from your other post, that may not be where your head is at right now....
I'm sorry. I can see how much you are hurting.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I was asking if you could "let go" of the expectations -- not hold them in and feel angry and disappointed!