I just wish it could be winterish all year round..or rather that h didn't have such a seasonal business...I'm really getting frustrated with him being so busy and being so not around...it used to always bother me but now it bothers me more thing is I used to always complain about it and now I can't or rather don't complain at all.
this all just sucks!!!
I really do wish I knew the whole truth about h's r with ow...I really wish I could just download their every interaction so that I can know and move on from it...but I cannot. why does any of this even matter??? probably because I was not happy before...I kept saying and at times keep saying...I am the one who should have had an a...I am the one with more "justification" for having an a in this r than h is...I just don't understand this...I wish I knew the whole story about this foolishness.
I wish it would all just go away...
I wish I could just put it away...be done with it...believe h...believe that h is working...that he is not avoiding me...that h wants to be home..he says he does..I wish I knew...
ahh but then I wish I could just run away...run away and leave everything and everyone behind...to be free from all responsiblities to anyone but myself...but that I cannot and will not do.
I don't know....I should probably delete this post as it doesn't make much sense and is not very productive but wth it's how I feel in the moment.
