understanding the waw

[sage]

am I really ok with all that has happend??
can I really accept the a (ea?) that h had??
can we really move beyond it or will it forever be there??
will h ever be able to communicate his feelings to me?? does he already??
will I ever be comfortable with the r??
will ow move away and never return?? will there never be another ow??
am I making the right choice for myself in accepting h's discretion??
will I ever stop questioning myself? h?
will h ever start telling me he loves me with regularity??
will h ever ask me to once again wear my rings??

LL -- I ask myself so many of these questions too! The rollercoaster isn't just the R rollercoaster, is it? But, our feelings and confidence (in ourselves AND the r), too. The questions are always ebbing and flowing depending on how I'm feeling about myself, my h., work, life, whatever.

I'm working pretty hard at stripping off the layers that just seem to confuse each other and me. I know you've read (and responded) my posts about my past stuff -- I'm addressing a lot of that with the cognitive stuff you guys have been talking about. Trying to focus really clearly on what's about NOW and what's about past (or even future) worries.

Sometimes I start feeling so lost about the future --does it make sense to hold onto this M, will h be faithful, can we move past this, etc. Something that helps in those cases are remembering what's going on today -- not feeling as though I have to make decisions based on future worries.

ah, I'm not helping here! Probably because I can identify too much with your feelings. My 2 cents (and the advice I give to myself)? Strengthen your own mental and emotional health as much as possible -- whatever that takes -- therapy, meditation, etc. and things get much more clear.

Oh, and as to your question of is it h or me? I feel pretty confident in suggesting it's both...not in a bad way but really believing that we feed off of each other even if we're not aware of it.

Sage