Quote: There is a book Reinventing your life by Jefferey Young and Janet Klosko that has been very highly regarded using cognitive approach combined with psycho-analysis techniques to help you overcome certain traps in your thoughts and beliefs that could hinder your "normal" life.
thanks, I'll look into them eventually. I did minor in counceling in college (despite the fact that I can't spell for crap I do have a bs) and took many a pshych course as electives so I have a basic understading of such things but a refresher would be helpful.
Quote: Or you felt that you were excluded from full knowledge of what actually happened between your H and OW. Did you You feel insecure about it, and, more importantly, the closest bond of intimacy between you and your H was violated?
honestly chuck...the friendship they shared is more sacred to me than if they had a roll in the hay...I'd just like to know...I don't like the idea of there being secrets kept by them...but I suppose in the end does it really matter?? it is not me that is being hurt by the secrets if there are any it is h that is hurting holding onto them...if he infact is.
Quote: So now, let me ask you: Do you still love and care for your H, the one you married to? Do you still want this M to work, not necessarily your way, but in a way fulfilling to both of you and your kiddos?
sure...I after all never did leave did I?? I was the one who wanted to work on the m...I wanted things to be better...I wanted to do things...grow together etc..h chose to pull away and have an a and leave...I am not doing much different than I did before h left...it is h who is different.
Quote: Or you can choose to dwell on the past with hatred and resentment, wondering what had happened, and that is likely to consume our good natured LL we know with sensitivity and a big heart.
I try to choose not to stay in the past..but it creeps in from time to time...there in lies needing to know the truth...if I knew the truth (and again I'll say maybe I do..maybe I question it because so many others can't believe it wasn't physical after all we do live in the world of sex and drugs and rock and roll but h has always been different like that I don't know) then I could move on and feel secure about my decision and where I stand with h...telling people nothing happend physcially between them and facing the doubt of others and sometimes myself makes it hard for me to move on..do I know what it is I'm moving on from??? I don't know...I want to believe h and most often I do..but then...well I don't.
Quote: our good natured LL we know with sensitivity and a big heart.
