Quoting shinybear: I too, feel your anguish which does seem to border on depression at times. Cognitive Behavoural therapy or meds are viable options. Why suffer more than you need to???
There is a book Reinventing your life by Jefferey Young and Janet Klosko that has been very highly regarded using cognitive approach combined with psycho-analysis techniques to help you overcome certain traps in your thoughts and beliefs that could hinder your "normal" life. I'll also give you a name of my therapist, who is also a guru in cognitive therapy in this area. You can give her a call to get some of her persepctives, or perhaps a referral of people near your town.
Quoting lostlove: finding out the truth??? maybe I know the truth already? maybe I don't...there are only two people who know the whole story and either they've told it...or they're keeping it to themselves...
I may be way off base here, so please take it for what it is worth. May I ask: why is the "truth" so important to you? To my understanding, you cannot change what happened in the past. Your H may have a PA, or he may not. Either way, you cannot change what happened.
So the question is knowing: why that made a difference to you? So if they had had PA, you would hate both your H and OW more?
Or you felt that you were excluded from full knowledge of what actually happened between your H and OW. Did you You feel insecure about it, and, more importantly, the closest bond of intimacy between you and your H was violated?
The way I see it, which you may not agree with, is that either way, you cannot change what has happened. What happened was a tragic even as a result of many forces: your H's poor judgment, your own deficiency at that time to interact favorably with the M, and bad luck. We all share some responsibilities in contributing to the fallout of the M.
So now, let me ask you: Do you still love and care for your H, the one you married to? Do you still want this M to work, not necessarily your way, but in a way fulfilling to both of you and your kiddos?
If the answers are yes, I don't think it is what happened between your H and OW that will dictate your M from this point on, but it is in your hand. You hold the power to heal the past by taking care of what you have now, giving your love and caring to your H and your kids, understanding that all of us made mistakes at one time or another, and each of us knows we had hurt people. We do feel guilty for it rather than enjoying it, no matter we apologize for these things or not. But deep down, if you believe that people are all well intentioned and loving, rather than born with desire to go out hurting other people, strangers or loved ones, you may feel better.
Or you can choose to dwell on the past with hatred and resentment, wondering what had happened, and that is likely to consume our good natured LL we know with sensitivity and a big heart.
