Quote: I too, feel your anguish which does seem to border on depression at times. Cognitive Behavoural therapy or meds are viable options. Why suffer more than you need to???
because I'm just a glutton for punishment...I don't want to be on meds..I was given celexa over the summer during seperation and chose not to continue taking it...just not my way...I know little about cbt...could you give a little input on how that would work in my sit???
other than stewart smiley style..."I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and gosh darn it, people like me!!"
Quote: About those dreams you posted earlier. Dreams usually reflect our OWN fears and issues. So likely as not, they were signalling your own concerns about your H's fidelity, past and future. I find it interesting that the woman in the second dreams' name was Sam....uh, does that have any particular significance on the board? (and I don't mean our beloved Sad's Sam, but just the acronym in general).
dreams are a real bugger for me when I rembember them...never really nice and fluffy...I'm usually running...hiding...searching...flying away...in a big house...in a basement..in tunnels...in water...(have fun with those themes!! I know they're not good) I guess I didn't give much thought to the meaning of the name sam in the dream but you are probably right on with the connection..h after all was a silly monkee...others simply added the alien to it coining the new silly alien monkee...
Quote: LL, there are so many things I could write to you about the OW and possibility of a pa etc, but would any of it help? Probably not.
maybe...maybe not...I'd still be interested in your thoughts..
Quote: Did you go to the open house??/
naaaa!! I couldn't, I know despite the fact I say I'd just do it to intimidate her with the possiblity of my being me (she doens't know me) I'd be tempted to shove her in the pool and couldn't garuntee that I wouldn't. so best not to go.
Quote: LL, I read a little book called "Never be lied to again" which gives tips for when someone is lying or withholding info. I'm not proud of having read it, but I do feel somewhat empowered.
not something to be ashamed of...probably comes in very handy in this world of deception we live in...how accurate do you find the "clues"?
Quote: have you thought of asking ow about the extent of their R? I know it gives her power, it lets her know you don't trust what your H has said, there are countless reasons NOT to do that.
ow has denied...denied...denied...that anything happend...one of the last conversations I had with her...the one where she was supposedly complimenting my strength..." you're alot stronger than I am...it's one thing to repair a m after your h has had an affair...but to know your h is in love with someone else" well I said among other things...in reply...oh is that what he told you when he was kissing you..."no LL...he never kissed me..it wasn't like that...anyone can have a physical r...I know you'll never believe us" so you see...she denies could be that nothing happend...could be that she's protecting her love...could be he's telling the truth..could be he's protecting himself...her and me..I don't know...
Quote: BTW none of those letters etc scream out to me "PA"!!! Could all still be just the fantasy of "true love" high school style.
very very very high school...thing is it was h and I that were high school sweet hearts..well I was in high school he was a sophmore in college...ow and h met later in life...he was doing the landscaping for her and her h's home...
Quote:
I don't know, LL. I too would be a little suspicious of him getting rid of that stuff on his own. Why did he have it all locked away safe and sound until then?
the stuff was not current...it was good bye stuff...and it was put there around the time he was starting to come home...h claims he had forgotten about it...had put it there at a time that he was still confused...
I have no choice but to accept that he did get rid of the stuff...what else can I do..sneak off to his office again and search for it??? he did actually invite me to do so...whatever...gotta let it go.
Quote: I DO see really clear signs that your H DOES want YOU, has chosen YOU, is working hard in his own way to make your M work. I don't doubt any of that at all.
wish I were as confident about it as you see from there..
Quote: It just seems you are stuck on the details. So either you learn (at a gut/emotional level) to let it go, trust what he says, (probably the best way), or you gotta find out the truth.
the eternal stuggle...do I trust what h claims...sometimes I do and feel good about it...sometimes I don't. finding out the truth??? maybe I know the truth already? maybe I don't...there are only two people who know the whole story and either they've told it...or they're keeping it to themselves...
so there again it is...
believe h...get over my doubt...all is well believe h....it's a lie and there is more...be brought back to the pain and have more healing to do...crap. I don't know what to think and the question is getting old!!
