thanks dean, committed and pfroglady. I appreciate the help. I am totally committed to making this work and I am trying to rid myself of thoughts of OW. It was driving me crazy not knowing what she looked like as she knows what I look like and the kids (she attended son's college baseball games and sat in the stands away from H to check us all out, what a creep) so last week I did the same to her, stupid I admit. I drove to where she works (delivers mail) and saw her and I believe that is what is causing the nightmares and obessive thoughts of recent. She is eight years younger, trim and athletic looking, long blonde weaved hair and quite attractive. She has a great complection with carmel colored skin as she is a mix of some sort of asian influence and hispanic. I am 42, the total white girl, overweight (but working on it actively), dark hair and never even at my lightest weight will look like her. She is very similiar to H. Tall and trim. A friend that was with me on my covert mission says I am much prettier that she but as a package, she is pretty much perfect. God, when he touches me does he image her perfect body? No wonder the physical part of our relationship has not come around yet. I know I am being hard on myself, but this all still hurts so much. Time will be my friend, huh? I hope so.
