I'm finding myself stuck. I trust h (at least I think I do) but then when I find myself really trusting him that neg little voice comes along and says "oh really now, foolish little girl, why should you trust him? look how he had you fooled for so long"
I would hope that the path things took with h and ow would lead them to no longer be comfortable holding on, but then again I know they still could...would it matter in the end?? I don't know...
I'm trying to trust that h really does love me and not just as the mother of his children but as a woman..one that can be his friend his companion etc.
it all seems to be going well...but the questions are still there...
why are you here? do you love me? is she really gone? will you leave again? are you happy here at home?
funny thing h just the other night asked when our next appointment with c is...
struck me as odd for him to ask...makes me susspisious...does he has something to say???
well we missed our appointment (I forgot to put it on the calendar) so now we have to wait two weeks.
I hope I can continue to just keep my mouth shut...and let things be..if h needs to address something he'll have to do it.
I do still wish that h were still as attentive and supportive as he was when he first came home...sometimes he is and sometimes he isn't...
h has been working alot still and now on top of it has some evening appointments...arrrrgggg!!! we do have plans to get out maybe fri night...do some errands...catch a bite to eat...just have to find a sitter...
I guess all I can do is wait and see...wait and see...wait and see....more of that patience crap!! yuck!!
I guess I should be happy...all in all we are doing very well...it's just those damn bad thoughts of the past that are tearing me down.
