I haven't been around for a while (trying to get my head together by not focussing on H - seems to be working)
Quote: I'm tired and I ache...I have once again lost my appetite..I once again have no motivation to even make breakfast for the kids...I don't want to be on drugs but I suppose I am going to have to...I can't just keep pushing myself I am bound to break that way...
Sorry to hear you are so down. I hope your trip helps to break you out of this, but if not, I recommend an excellent book, "Feeling Good" by Dr. David Burns. I was in the same place as you a couple of weeks ago, contemplating meds because I couldn't go on how I had been. But I don't like the idea of anti-depressants, so I was willing to try anything else. It is based on cognitive-behaviour modification - and has been shown to be as effective at treating depression as medication. I am right now working on his "Ten Days to Self Esteem", as I think I too have had low self esteem for... well, forever! I am feeling MUCH better over the last two weeks. And no side effects. I would recommend any of Dr. Burns' books to anyone struggling with depression.
I hope you have a wonderful time on your trip! {{{{{{{LL}}}}}}}
leaving for a much needed getaway with the kiddos in a few hours...I will not be near a puter...and will spend little time thinking about the sit...I will be me....I will have fun...I will enjoy my children and my friends...
h doesn't know what to say to me... eventually he'll figure it out.
i found a love letter from ow#1 to h that he had saved. it had been folded, then crumpled, then folded, then crumpled. i could tell he had agonized over what to do withit. i found it flat in a big book quite by accident. it was very immature. talked about their true love forever, how they were seperated by time and place but not in their hearts. how she cried all the time thinking of them being trapped away from each other. it almost made me throw up from the shock of finding it and my head pounded and my heart raced. my h still refers to her as his child hood sweet heart. it really hurts. he was in contact with her our entire m until a little over a year ago. they were "just friends" after 6 monthes of pa. but for h, actually acting on his fantasy and trying to live it out proved benefitial. he is over her, and sees exactly what the relationship was.
i think your h will reach that space too. their relationship (your h&ow) was so based on fantasy, and highschool romance.
my dad was an alcoholic and my mom was distant. it does impact our choices and what we "settle" for. but you are strong. you are a grown up and you can make choices for your happiness. please take care of you! have fun! give yourself what h can't right now.
oooo, i would love to call ow#1 and read her crap sappy letter to her husband!!!!!!! he doesn't know. but i save that for my fantasies! hehee. i am a believer in what comes around goes around.
I feel that way about my ex-b's ex-girlfriend (very briefly until she dumped him) and then platonic friend. Like she keeps coming back a little at a time when she has nothing better to do, and now he's in Europe visiting her. At this point, it's almost better if something happens so it can then END. I am not sure how much she had to do with us breaking up. I do know that it effected us staying together. I am absolutely sure of that. I can't blame everything on her, our relationship had issues that were never brought up. But she's gone after other girls husbands, boyfriends, everything before. She won't last. If ex-b is gullible to get screwed over TWICE, then he needs to get that out of his system. It is very possible that he's been holding on to this just a little bit over the past several years.
glad to be home. kids had a great time and so did I...I'll be tired for the next few days but it was worth it...as far as h missing us...I am confident that he missed the kids...very very very much...I am not confident that he missed me...infact I am not sure I missed him...the "fight" we were having before I left never got resolved...I do not feel comfortable with h having taken back the letters from ow without any mention of them...it was foolish of him to not mention them before I left...anytime I did have a positive thought of h and I it was taken away by the knowledge of those letters.
I'm tired and I'm tired of dealing with this whole issue...tired of caring if h wants to be with me or not.
thanks for the well wishes while I was away..I hope to hear possitive things going on for everyone when I get a chance to catch up.
ok so h did miss me... I wish I could ask about the letters that I found..(where are they now) but I think it's best to just leave it alone for now..perhaps with time they will be thrown out the window much like the cell phone.
so having a nice day relaxing at home...inlaws and my family have come over for a cookout..
ny