I can feel your pain, because I have that pain too. I know you have posted to me before and I appreciate your kinds words. How can you help me when you have your own problems and they sound worse than mine??? YOU are a strong person, Much stronger than me, because you took the time to help me. thank-you
I don't know your whole sitch, but I've been reading it to find out about you because you are nice to help me.
Quote) On thing that is constantly being over played in our R is that H feels that I have an expectation of what he should say or do and if that doesn't occur I become upset, thus nothing he is doing is good enough. Without knowing it at times I have done this. (QUOTE)
this is your quote and this is how I am too. My H always says I answer my own questions to him. He says I answer the questions before he gets to answer them. Yes I want the answers to be what I want to hear. So I get upset when it is not what I expect.
My new mantra is " I forgive you for not being me".
that's a good mantra.
READ this... at our last session with MC:, we've discovered that my husband had been treating me the way he was treated all these years by his family. He was putting me in his place, seeing me in himself, tuning me out which is what he did when his family knocked him down or ignored him whatever, so he ignored me when I had something to say.
So in our case I was telling him things I didn't like, but always leaving out some detail so as not to hurt him, us or me. In doing that we never got anything resolved. And he tuned me out, ignored me or avoided the situation. Because most of my anger was of how he acted in the presence of other women. He just NEVER saw it, even though I had told him a million times. but I guess I left out some details that would have made him see it more clearly, the hurt details I guess.
Well after that session which was last Tuesday I have felt less weighted down by this mess. NOT that I want a R with him. I am still angry, upset and I cry too much.
What I want to say to you is maybe you are holding back something that you really want to say and are afraid to say it beause you don't want to hurt him. JUST say it. I hope I'm helping you. And maybe your H has to listen more closely.
I hope this all makes some sense to you. I know it did during our session with MC.
You deserve to be happy and you want this R so I wish you luck.
Me? I'm not trying hard to be with H. I have a dinner to attend with my s18 Sunday (son is getting a Scholar Athlete Award, a prestigous award) and he wants his dad there too. I haven't been in the same car (same house, though because H never left) with H since October 2002. I don't know how this is going to be for me. I think I will be angry and uptight. That's usually me when I am in uncomfortable situations.
But YOU, you seem to get along with H and can deal with being with him. Good for you. Purpley
