I am new to this board, but have been reading and following your threads for a couple months. You unknowingly have help me through many tearful and painful days when I didn't know how I was going to pull myself together.
I am so sad to read of your painful time right now. I feel your pain. I hope your getting away will help. My d and I just have returned from a visit to NYC. Just a girls weekend and it was fabulous. On my journey home I realize how great it was to wake up and not face h and the pain... how great it was not to have to deal with anything. I hope you find this on your trip.
A quick background on my story. 2 months ago my h informs me he is unhappy and has been for years. Not in love with me, unattracted to me, doesn't know how long he can take it all( what ever that meant). 1 month ago I discover his e/a with a co worker. My world crumbled and I have been trying to pick up the pieces ever since. I feel luck that H is willing to stay and work on the R. the OW is now out of the picture as far as I know.
On thing that is constantly being over played in our R is that H feels that I have an expectation of what he should say or do and if that doesn't occur I become upset, thus nothing he is doing is good enough. Without knowing it at times I have done this. My new mantra is " I forgive you for not being me". This has helped so I don't get so upset when I don't get the hug I need, the feelings shared, or physical attention I need.
I have also noticed that when the pain is so great,when my gut hurts from the pain, when my tears won't stop, and my emotions take over it is like being is a fog. It is some time hard to see the good things H is trying to do through this fog.
I also have little kids who are a joy. In the past I have put myself last and have been 100% full time mom. Now in trying to just keep my emotions together I haven't been there as much for them. But you know it is o.k. It is not selfish to work on you, to tend to your needs. Your kids will understand and appreciate all you do for them and for who you are.
