I know it's hard when you feel you are giving all the time and getting nothing back. The Vegas thing would have really stuck in my throat.
Does he get really stressy about the responsibility of supporting the family etc? I know some men find that very hard and then just can't unwind. Will you get a chance to go away anywhere either by yourself or with the boys? Could you turn the time? If you went along are there any fun things you could be going out and doing?
After I found out about H's A, whenever he went away on business I used to get really wound up. Finally he ended up taking me with him because I would get so ill whilst he was away. After that he just delegated any away work - the stress was just too much. My heart really goes out to you.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I think we will be going out to Utah with him but only once. He will be going out there more than that.
I think maybe you did hit the nail on the head about the responsiblity. While he is away this summer on and off, I will find time to go somewhere with the boys, even if its just the wkend.
I have to start making time for myself, even if its just reading. This of course would have to be while he was away/not available or the kids were sleeping, because that's the only time I can. The problem also he requires a lot of attention, and right now with two kids at home, sometimes that just can't happen.
he can't delegate any work out because he is self employed, so he's it. thats what sucks about being self employed.. everyone thinks its great, but its just not.
I need to do some soul searching..
thanks saff..
tal
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Oh I have been there so many times. The jokes aren't funny. I wonder why they think they are? Who knows, but they hurt and just reopen many wounds.
tired, I am sorry your vacation and your return finds you in a bad spot. I feel for you. Did you guys do any talking while gone? Did you have a nice time when you went out alone? It must be very hard to have him travel for work, then flippantly add another day or two on for himself. I hope you can find your way out of this depression, I know you can. Its hard to focus on the good things in life, when a big part of our life is crashing down in front of us.
You aren't alone.
PS: I looked for you too while out and about in Orlando.
Let me say something, perhaps, that I see coming down the pike. With your husband's travel, etc. You are very ripe to either walk out of the marriage or end up in an affair. You are starved for emotional connection and it's not happening right now in your marriage.
As much as Sara harps on Retrouville I think she's got a strong point -- maybe an intense weekend might help. I suggest you book a weekend with your husband.
Perhaps you haven't made it clear to him how empty you feel. Maybe now is the time. Tell him you love him, but are feeling very unfulfilled. Tell him you want a great relationship with him, and are willing to give it a try.
It sounds like both you and your husband are burning the candle at both ends. You are strained and exahuasted while he pushes himself at work too much.
Perhaps if you gave yourself a little breathing room, and started having fun, you might be more creative and less exasperated when you communicate with him.
I would encourage you not to allow us on this board to become "permission givers" for you to give up on your marriage prematurely.
I'll be honest, it's very easy for me to villanize all the spouses who are causing my online friends some pain. In fact in some cases, where I see someone begin to reconcile with their spouse on these boards, I've had moments to think, "Gee...they could do so much better." Not a healthy thought on my part.
Thank you for your insite. Your sweet and you are probably right.
I will not give up on my marriage, one because of my children and that is #1 and 2, i've invested too much of my life into our relationship, im not about to give up.
Don't get me wrong, there are great things about my H, he's not all "bad".. and yes, I probably could do better, but I don't think like that. We all have our faults, and I have mine, its just his faults he can't even admit to.
I am thinking about talking with him about it. I have to pick a time when the kids are at my parents house and we are alone. Because there are just too many distractions here.
On the way home from picking up my S5 there was a beautiful song on the radio, and made me think of him. I did get weepy thinking I will miss him when he's away, as much as he makes me crazy, I will be alone a lot this summer and Im not looking forward to it. so now more than ever I need to work on us before it gets to the end of the line.
Thanks again for posting, Don't be stranger, I might not be as frisky as saffie, but thats ok!
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Tal, I am glad you and your S's had a good time at WDW. Just as with Lwb, I wish I could get my two down there this year. And that reminds me of something funny that came up this weekend.
S7 was having a real difficult time concentrating on getting his homework assignment done on Saturday. I had to separate him from S3 's distractions, and so I made him sit behind me while I was online on these forums.
I started looking at the photos that you and Lwb posted of your trips (your boys are adorable, BTW, and so are Lwb's girls), and then S7 piped up to ask about the photos. I told him they were pictures of some friends who were on vacation in Disney World -- I then turned around in my chair and raised an eyebrow at S7, "You're still not writing your sentences?"
S7 said, "Why can't we go to Disney World? I want to go to Disney World too!"
I said, "If you can't learn to get your homework done on time and consistently, I can't even take you to the (nearby) park today -- how in the world do you think you'll ever get to Disney World in your lifetime at that rate?"
S7 feigned shock and alarm at my threat and then buckled down. I turned back around again, silently chuckling at the newfound incentive he had been given.
