Quote: I may have told you about my beautiful cousin in Orlando that has been divorced 30 years! I saw her Easter weekend, and she has been dating the same guy for 6 years and she told me they have never had sex?????????
She thinks there is something wrong with her!!!
Isn't sex important in a relationship??????
nothing wrong with her...something wrong with him....of corse it's important!!
Quote: LL, you poor woman. You have said so many comforting things to me, I ache when I hear such pain from you. You must stop referring to yourself in the third person!! You are real and you are hurting. I have seen great strength in you, great compassion in you, great honesty in you, and great kindness in you. Get rid of the referring to yourself in the third person and say to yourself:
thank you for the kind kind words sbh...I refer to myself in the third person becuase if I didn't I'd never make it through a post..it's my way of displacing my feelings..stepping away from them...realizing them and placing them somewhere else. I know my pain is very real...and that I am very real...it's just easier that way.
Hey, W told me I will get papers tomorrow from the Sheriff, and she is going away for weekend w/OG. Isn't she so nice to be so kind to me, I love her, she is so sweet!
Quote: I really do hope the best for you and your sitch, but sheesh, you gotta get yourself out of that hole....
yes, I know...but for some foolish reason I thought that maybe h would throw me a rope...and help me out of this particular hole...ah but he cannot because he is the one who threw me in this particular hole with the love he has for ow...notice I did not say past tense...h is still inlove with ow and may be forever!!! how long am I willing to wait??? I've been waiting 10 freakin years...first was waiting while he was busy with his business...then apparently he got sick of me waiting so he stayed busy with business but also found her!!! but married me anyway...was I just the annoying gf who wouldn't go away so you marry her??? that's the way I feel.
outside of the sit...on my own...I feel pretty damn good!!!
I was seeing a c myself during seperation and continued when h came home...h decided to join me there when I decided I wanted a d myself....so now we will go there together...I really have no hope for anything to come of it other than for h to just get annoyed at the realization that he must take responsibility for his actions/inactions and how they effect this m.
Quote: Very few people would have the stamina and the courage that you have demonstrated by fighting for your M in the face of such insensitive and cruel behavior from your H.
and here I will be the pathetic walk over me and I'll still stick up for you sap of a woman in love with her man...
h is not intentionally cruel he is apparently just a man who doesn't get it.
Quote: Please do not allow his emotional handicap pull you down - remember his inability to appreciate you is his problem not yours.
and then here I'll go saying but gee what if it's me...what if he's doing and saying everything right and IS showing me that he appreciates me but I am too emotionally handicapped to recognize it???
Quote: Did H read SSM? I'm going to tell Cuz to get it!
a while ago I mentioned it to him...he said he'd look at it...but you know how that goes...nada!!
Quote: Hey, W told me I will get papers tomorrow from the Sheriff, and she is going away for weekend w/OG. Isn't she so nice to be so kind to me, I love her, she is so sweet!
sorry to hear it's comming but keep in mind...it doesn't really mean all that much...strange things can happen.
wanna know how truly immature ow is???
she signed her letter to my h 1436!
awww she's still got that friggen high school mentality...get a grip woman...I can't believe my h fell for such a little girl.
I can't believe I'm putting up with this crap...
I can't believe that he doesn't talk to me about it...(the arguments we had last night and the fact that he took back the letters and jewelry and has said NOTHING about it) and thinks that he can simply say...let's go up to bed..we both need a good night sleep...does he really think that I'll get a good night sleep laying in bed next to him??? does he really think that he doesn't need to say anything to me?? does he really think that we will get anywhere this way???
sorry to hear it's comming but keep in mind...it doesn't really mean all that much...strange things can happen.
LL,
How come you NEVER, EVER, NEVER give up on me, but the rest of your post seems like you have given up on H, M, and yourself???
I'm glad you are going to Disney with some friends!
she signed her letter to my h 1436!
I don't get it, how come she left out her waist size
does he really think that he doesn't need to say anything to me?? does he really think that we will get anywhere this way???
Yes he does, read the book!!!! They are ALL textbook cases!!W still has DR, but hasn't said a word about it except she'll return it when she finishes it!
She looks like crap lately, and is miserable, do you think she can turn it off with OG? Can women do that???
Quote: She looks like crap lately, and is miserable, do you think she can turn it off with OG? Can women do that???
yup!!
Quote:
How come you NEVER, EVER, NEVER give up on me, but the rest of your post seems like you have given up on H, M, and yourself???
because you have the power...if I had been the one to leave...there is no way in hell my h would have come here or anywhere else for that matter...he would have just said...ok bye bye..
Quote: she signed her letter to my h 1436!
I don't get it, how come she left out her waist size
I am assuming you don't know what that juvenile crap means...1= I 4= love 3= you 6 took me a bit to figure out but it's always
Quote: does he really think that he doesn't need to say anything to me?? does he really think that we will get anywhere this way???
Yes he does, read the book!!!! They are ALL textbook cases!!
yes, but supposedly he has come out of the fog and is working at being with me??? so then why the mix...why the occassional crumb but no consistancy??
after last nights mess....h taking back the "tokens" that he said fine bring them home and well destroy them...says nothing about it nothing at all...and thinks that he can just cuddle it all away??? speak damn it!! say something damn it!! how the hell were you able to communicate to this little girl of an ow that you were in love with her without being physical and yet you have no words for me...the comfort you offer me has no words at all it is a hug a cuddle yes yes that is what LL wants but if you expect me to belive that you did not even kiss ow then I would hope that you had words to express your feelings for her or else she's just a sappy little girl in love with you and that is what you liked so all you had to say was...ily...but you can't even say those words to me...can you...you are silent and think that your arm around me is enough...nothing has to be said...well it's obvious that it's not enough..something has to be said...I cannot rest with these things in my head while you try to comfort me with your cuddle but no words at all...what did you do with the "tokens" do you love me?, are you sorry I hurt? why do you say nothing??? do you not know what to say? or is there nothing for you to say...you know what to say but can't say it because it isn't true!! you don't love me...you just feel pitty for me...you saw that I wasn't eating...I wasn't sleeping....son wasn't behaving...so you had to come home...
I want the words...yes I desperately want to be held to be cuddled and I do believe h to be sincere in his wanting to comfort me...but I want the words....I want the words he gave to ow...I want to hear my h tell me he loves me...he aches to be away from me...I want to hear the words that he gave to ow...they belong to me and I deserve them.
unless of course there were no words from h to ow...there were no words and he simply hugged her...kissed her...etc...etc...but because he denies that...there must have been words...I know that words don't come easily to h...it took him over 6 months of us dating (in the begining) for him to say ily...he was so silly...he paced about...flustered...preparing himself...and what he said was " I think I love you" and my response..."well I know I love you" that was the first night we made love...he had made me wait til then.
I want to hear the words from h... I want h to tell me everything is going to be allright. I want h to tell me ow is moving away and he will be happy when she does. I want h to tell me I'm beautiful and smart and funny and desireable I want h to tell me he misses me I want h to want to be with ME and not mask it with "family" and the kids. I want the man who came home to me...the man who walked me to the door and kissed me like he didn't want me to leave.. I want the man who sat on the couch with me and gave me massages not being able to keep his hands from wandering.. I want the man who pulled me asside and kissed me passionatley while the kids were distracted. I want the man who came up to the bathroom while I was showering and asked if he could come in. I want the man who called on is way to get chinese and said hey turn on the radio queen is on I know you like them I want the man who said I love you LL I want the man who didn't lie anymore I want the man who was open and honest about his feelings I want the man who said "I'm enjoying the time were spending together and I find myself wanting to run for more" I want that man back!!!! I want ow to (ok I thought to say die but the good christian in me has drawn a blank) move away far far far away to never return..or if she does for h to say look ow is buggin me! I wish she would grow up and leave me alone.
I desperately want to go back to bed and take the comforting cuddle that h is offering...I want to accept h's attempt at offering comfort to me...I also want to go to his truck and take back the love letters and pictures and jewelry (among the jewelry was a ring he bought himself to replace his wedding band when I finally took it from him, I'd like to sell it all and buy myself a little ruby since I know h will never ask me to put my rings back on) I'd like to know what h did with the stuff once he took it from my car...he did after all tell me to bring it home...so we could destroy it...why then did he take it...what did he do with it...I wont believe he's destroyed it now unless I see him do it.
I want to trust that my h loves me, I want to trust that this will not happen again...that ow will not pop back up in another 5 years or so....I want to trust that h wants to be here not just for the kids but for me also and not because I was looking like a skeleton and not sleeping (mind you I liked the way I looked and was up beat and went about my business then) but because he truly loves ME, LL for all that she is.
I am so sorry for your pain. I'd like to smack H on the side of the head. He has you, a wonderful person. I only hope that the day he realizes it, that it's not too late for LL.
nyP 
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