Quote: LL -- I've missed something in your threads...you found letters or stuff from ow to H? What are you calling h "the man who loves her"?
naaa ya didn't miss anything I just didn't post it...frustrated and pissed off about how things are going lately with h being so tied up in work and the yard work...I took off last night with his keys and went to his shop...opened his safe and found 3 letters from ow saying how their hearts will always be one...how they didn't do anything intentionally they didn't meet in a bar...he came into her kitchen...yada yada yada...and another titled "our songs" a pathetic highschool letter using song titles. and a jewelry box with a heart shaped charm of hers that she gave to him (he claims not to have bought it for her..why he accepted it from her???) a b-day card signed love..."more than yesterday but not nearly as much as tommorow our hearts will always be one xxoo" or some other crap like that...gee folks h was back with me at the time of his birthday...a picture frame with before and after pics of her house (old old pic she's been reeling him in for years) in one of her letters she mentions a letter that she wrote to him 6 years ago (gee why the hell did he marry me?? oh ya cause she wasn't ready to leave her h yet) phone bills that show his still been in contact with her as recently as march...ya and I'm so sure it's all business related.
and yes...it is apparent to everyone that h is the one who loves HER!!! I'm just the mother of his children.
Quote: LL -- You ARE all of these things, hon, and more! You forgot dynamic, inspirational, brave, grounded, honest, on and on.
you forgot..intimidating, crude, rough, loud, obnoxious, overbearing, bitchy...I could go on...
Quote: you don't feel them. you know that you need to. how can you get there?
by either being alone or by being with someone who believes and see's those possitive things in me too??
Quote: PLUS (and this is a presumptuous ASSumption) some pretty big hurts and holes inside of LL that may have come from other things.
yes LL has issues...wa wa wa...my parents were busy with their own problems so I didn't have parents like I should have...dad cheated on mom...mom drank...brothers leaned into me...one molested me (not greatly but enough to cause issues) I was sweet and nice so kids in school took advantage of me or picked on me...I became a bitch and some left me alone but it created a new problem becuase then everyone thought I was a bitch...should I go on??? do these things make a rat of a difference...LL has self esteme issues...what would boost her self esteem?? to go back to school...to be around more people who are intellegent and therefore aid LL to realize that yes she is intellegent too (even if she can't spell) trouble with doing that is...hmmm...possitve reinforcement from other males is not a good thing for LL...
Quote: I hear you in a tremendous amount of pain. I hear you still angry and hurt and afraid over what has happened....I see you struggling in the day to day stuff plus the need to rebuild your M. into something that is nurturing to you...all on a foundation of the aftermath of the A.
kinda hard to get over the a when h is insistant on acting as if it didn't happen...doesn't mean anything...and that it's ok that he has been inlove with someone else for the better part of our marriage...or worse case the entirety of it but stayed away till 3 years into m...wich actually is the way it was as stated by him and confirmed by ow's reference to a letter she wrote 6 years ago.
Quote: one day, one piece at a time...where can you start? my suggestion? you gotta start with you. you gotta start rebuilding LL. you KNOW and say that you have healing to do...what can you do to get there? what will "work" for you LL?
the big fear?? LL heals by herself not recieving the validation from h..LL heals...things seem better...h get's comfortable...falls in love with LL...LL doesn't care anymore.
