AJC, I just read this post of yours on another thread but am replying to it on yours
"I know. I need to get this done for me but at the moment I am managing VERY well financially and H isn't. Guess who he wants to pull down with him. Any move towards D (whether it be partial or full) is a financial suicide for us both right now and that's why I'm finding this so hard."
Not sure I understand this IF you are doing very well financially and H isn,t how will a D be financial suicide for Both of you?
That aside I understand how you feel about not wanting the D but as your h had left before and this time he is adamant he wants the D surely your marriage was not working and the difficulties you are encountering communicating through this second separation show neither of you are "understanding each other".
Why hold onto to that? stubborness? sorry that question arose again from a quote you made on other thread-I know it wasnt your words just that you quoted it(and I thought you had actually had a lightbulb moment)
Your m for now is dead. This is so hard for you but by stalling it is only costing money and more heartache for all. H is not going to suddenly think I don,t want this D because you are dragging your feet-is he going to be thinking of you kindly at this time-I think not.
You don't have to help him but you do have to comply with the law.That's not helping him D you. He will get his D IF he is so keen to have it-it will just take him longer.
The longer you both draw this out the more bitterness there becomes between you and that will still be there after the D when you will both need to get along and communicate for a while at least as you still have minors. This is not what you want to be between you both.
Get the best/fairest deal you can and maybe afterwards IF your h comes to realize he actually wants a relationship with you, the less discord there has been between you before hand the quicker it will heal.
Sometimes we just have to accept the reality of it all and whilst it is not what we want it is "what is". I think the best you can do for yourself and your children is damage limitation.
I am far from sure you have "let go" and you can remain m to H for the next 5 years and he can live with his new partner for the next 5 years and you can battle on over when he sees them, did the kids tell you ,did he tell you he is seeing them-what will it achieve? who will be happy,how much hurt and pain will be inflicted all round. Is that a marriage.
Sorry for the 2x4,s but I hate to see you going round in circles.
Easter is coming (faster than I wanted) but it is traditionally the most important time in the Church year. New beginnings.