Quoting lostlove: chuck I haven't called the ow since october when I last saw that she had called my h...I want to call her...I want to take her little tokens and letters that I just found and bithc slap her once or twice and return everything including the man who loves her but that would be fruitless..
LL -- I've missed something in your threads...you found letters or stuff from ow to H? What are you calling h "the man who loves her"?
Quote: LL wishes she had more faith in herself
LL wishes she truly believed the possitive things she lists about herself..but honesltly it's total crap that she tries to convince herself to get by...
LL wishes she were beautiful LL wishes she were smart LL wishes she were confident LL wishes she were strong LL wishes she were independant LL wishes she were good enough for her h...
LL doesn't know what to do with these feelings anymore...
LL -- You ARE all of these things, hon, and more! You forgot dynamic, inspirational, brave, grounded, honest, on and on. you don't feel them. you know that you need to. how can you get there?
Quote: LL still has a whole lot of healing to do..
LL wants that silly little in love feeling...
LL wants the begining again...
LL wants the r and feelings that h shared with ow...
LL had it a long time ago...
now LL is left with what comes of that feeling
the real love...
but just like h...
LL wants to be in love
LL never stopped being in love with her h...
Quote: if she had she wouldn't have married him...she wouldn't have taken him back...she lies to herself when she says it's about the kids...it isn't...it's because she truly loves this man...she watches him work...she watches him sleep...she hurts...she cries...she's in pain...a pain that h has caused with his actions...giving his affections to another woman...the truth of that r may never be known to LL...all she has are words from ow...ow's expressions of love...nothing from h to ow...
here's my 2 cents (or more)....I hear you in a tremendous amount of pain. I hear you still angry and hurt and afraid over what has happened....I see you struggling in the day to day stuff plus the need to rebuild your M. into something that is nurturing to you...all on a foundation of the aftermath of the A. PLUS (and this is a presumptuous ASSumption) some pretty big hurts and holes inside of LL that may have come from other things.
one day, one piece at a time...where can you start? my suggestion? you gotta start with you. you gotta start rebuilding LL. you KNOW and say that you have healing to do...what can you do to get there? what will "work" for you LL?
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
LL, you poor woman. You have said so many comforting things to me, I ache when I hear such pain from you. You must stop referring to yourself in the third person!! You are real and you are hurting. I have seen great strength in you, great compassion in you, great honesty in you, and great kindness in you. Get rid of the referring to yourself in the third person and say to yourself:
"I am strong. I am compassionate. I am honest. And I am kind."
Oh, and I forgot the most important one, "I am loved."
Maybe you do not see that right now because you are hurting, but we can see it. For now you are just going to have to trust us. Also, please go do something for just yourself! Splurge on something!! Learn about something you have always wanted to. Please.
LL wishes she were beautiful LL wishes she were smart LL wishes she were confident LL wishes she were strong LL wishes she were independant LL wishes she were good enough for her h...
Not much good from the looks of it... it looks like you're wishing for a lot of stuff you can't have...
"God, Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference."
That silly in love thing gets replaced by mature love, you only get to begin once, the feelings H shared with ow are separate from you and they're gone now, too
lostlove, you ARE in love now...
How is this horrible wretched feeling going to go away? Why do you hang on to it? I don't mean your R, now. I mean this feeling you have so often....
Wishing for stuff you can't have while denying what's real? That you are a vibrant, loveable, intellegent woman?
Lostlove, forgive me, I don't know your whole sitch, but, are you in individual counseling? Are you on A/D's? I'm not saying I know anything, because I don't. If you are not in therapy and you are not on A/D's you might be depriving yourself of some much deserved happiness for longer than need be. I don't know if you're DB'ing out there and just venting all the no-good-non-DB stuff in here, or what, but...
I really do hope the best for you and your sitch, but sheesh, you gotta get yourself out of that hole....
I do not know your whole story. But, I have read many of your posts. And I see a strong, wonderful, dynamic, woman.
I know that things are tough. It is very hard to separate our P's withdrawal of their love and their often cruel words from how we define ourselves.
Please do not define yourself by what your H thinks of you! Please yell it out loud "I AM NOT DEFINED BY MY H'S PERCEPTION OF ME." That is what I do when I start to think that my H rejecting me has anything to do with me as a person! The fact that your H is not capable of appreciating you is HIS PROBLEM and HIS LOSS.
Very few people would have the stamina and the courage that you have demonstrated by fighting for your M in the face of such insensitive and cruel behavior from your H.
The truth is I feel sorry for your H. He has such a wonderful W - and he does not have the mental capacity to appreciate you - right now anyway.
Please do not allow his emotional handicap pull you down - remember his inability to appreciate you is his problem not yours.
Quote: I could be wrong about this, but you should let H know that you want to be intimate w/him before you go away! But do it in a suttle way!
funny thing is tony...I don't want to be intimate with h before I leave...I don't want to drop hints..I don't want to ask...I don't want to flaunt my stuff...h doesn't want me that way and I've accepted it.
I will have a great time in disney..I will be with fun people who think I'm fun...who like me enough to have invited me along with them...I will laugh and live and not have to worry about whether or not the people around me want me there.
Quote: Don't call H UNLESS the kids say they want to talk to Daddy!
shouldn't be too hard...I intend to call to let him know we've arived and that is it.
I may have told you about my beautiful cousin in Orlando that has been divorced 30 years! I saw her Easter weekend, and she has been dating the same guy for 6 years and she told me they have never had sex?????????
Quote: LL -- I've missed something in your threads...you found letters or stuff from ow to H? What are you calling h "the man who loves her"?
naaa ya didn't miss anything I just didn't post it...frustrated and pissed off about how things are going lately with h being so tied up in work and the yard work...I took off last night with his keys and went to his shop...opened his safe and found 3 letters from ow saying how their hearts will always be one...how they didn't do anything intentionally they didn't meet in a bar...he came into her kitchen...yada yada yada...and another titled "our songs" a pathetic highschool letter using song titles. and a jewelry box with a heart shaped charm of hers that she gave to him (he claims not to have bought it for her..why he accepted it from her???) a b-day card signed love..."more than yesterday but not nearly as much as tommorow our hearts will always be one xxoo" or some other crap like that...gee folks h was back with me at the time of his birthday...a picture frame with before and after pics of her house (old old pic she's been reeling him in for years) in one of her letters she mentions a letter that she wrote to him 6 years ago (gee why the hell did he marry me?? oh ya cause she wasn't ready to leave her h yet) phone bills that show his still been in contact with her as recently as march...ya and I'm so sure it's all business related.
and yes...it is apparent to everyone that h is the one who loves HER!!! I'm just the mother of his children.
Quote: LL -- You ARE all of these things, hon, and more! You forgot dynamic, inspirational, brave, grounded, honest, on and on.
you forgot..intimidating, crude, rough, loud, obnoxious, overbearing, bitchy...I could go on...
Quote: you don't feel them. you know that you need to. how can you get there?
by either being alone or by being with someone who believes and see's those possitive things in me too??
Quote: PLUS (and this is a presumptuous ASSumption) some pretty big hurts and holes inside of LL that may have come from other things.
yes LL has issues...wa wa wa...my parents were busy with their own problems so I didn't have parents like I should have...dad cheated on mom...mom drank...brothers leaned into me...one molested me (not greatly but enough to cause issues) I was sweet and nice so kids in school took advantage of me or picked on me...I became a bitch and some left me alone but it created a new problem becuase then everyone thought I was a bitch...should I go on??? do these things make a rat of a difference...LL has self esteme issues...what would boost her self esteem?? to go back to school...to be around more people who are intellegent and therefore aid LL to realize that yes she is intellegent too (even if she can't spell) trouble with doing that is...hmmm...possitve reinforcement from other males is not a good thing for LL...
Quote: I hear you in a tremendous amount of pain. I hear you still angry and hurt and afraid over what has happened....I see you struggling in the day to day stuff plus the need to rebuild your M. into something that is nurturing to you...all on a foundation of the aftermath of the A.
kinda hard to get over the a when h is insistant on acting as if it didn't happen...doesn't mean anything...and that it's ok that he has been inlove with someone else for the better part of our marriage...or worse case the entirety of it but stayed away till 3 years into m...wich actually is the way it was as stated by him and confirmed by ow's reference to a letter she wrote 6 years ago.
Quote: one day, one piece at a time...where can you start? my suggestion? you gotta start with you. you gotta start rebuilding LL. you KNOW and say that you have healing to do...what can you do to get there? what will "work" for you LL?
the big fear?? LL heals by herself not recieving the validation from h..LL heals...things seem better...h get's comfortable...falls in love with LL...LL doesn't care anymore.
nyP
nyP