No one thinks it is wrong to ask someone for help if you really need it. I can only speak for myself, so I will offer my take on it. When a man has left the house and expresses no desire to be in it, then it is best to try to do whatever you can on your own.
I just feel this sense of entitlement that you are putting out there, and I fear it will hurt you in the end.
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I am trying my best to be civil with this man that has wronged me. I could be like the rest of the world I am told and seek revenge in so many ways.
I am gently suggesting here that you get to a place of enpowerment instead of feeling wronged. Hell, I used to feel "wronged" also. But then I thought about it and realized that I cannot hold someone's love for ransom.
I see very little from you examining the whys of your relationship breaking down. There are 2 sides to every story. I say this not to accuse you of anything, but to hopefully stop you from playing the role of the victim here. Yes, what you are going through is awful. I wish it on no one. But it is what it is, and it is time for you to move past the anger and feeling like a victim in all of this. Whatever went wrong in your relationship may just keep repeating itself, with your H or another man down the line, if you don't take the time to truly examine what happened here.
The only people you seem to respond to on your thread are the ones that come to offer support and tell you to "hang in there." Yes, those people are great, and we all need some in our lives, but HSS, we also need the ones that are gonna give us the nudge we need to keep moving. You seem to get very angry when anything but support for your feelings is offered to you.
You are certainly correct, it is your H's house too, and any lawyer would tell him it is in his best interest to keep it in good repair. And yes, it is the right thing to do FOR HIS CHILDREN. He doesn't owe it to you, though, and you need to let go of that. It seems to be the source of a lot of your anger.
This is the second time you have referred to a "You scratch my back and I will scratch yours" type deal.
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I ask H to do these things for me and he generally does, but I am doing things for him in return. It is reciprocal. If that changes then I will find another way.
Doing things to get something in return will never end in a good way!
HSS, why do you suppose your H is so antagonistic towards you? Has he given you any clues as to why he wanted out of this marriage? If so, (dig deep here) was there anything he said that you can find some truth in? What have you done to move towards him?
You seem at such a standstill, as if you are waiting for lightening to strike and send everything back to "normal." Even if this did happen, you would end up back in this same spot if you do not work to change the things in the marriage that needed changing. (Read Frank's thread to see this in action.)
Maybe it is time to go back to the beginning. What was your relationship like when it was good? What brought you and your H together?
HSS, I am not trying to hurt you. I am trying to help you. I stand firm in my belief that just letting you vent is not the way to do it. At some point you need to take action. At some point you need to dig deep and perhaps make some necessary changes. Let the people here help you.
I would like to refer you to Cagzmom's thread in Midlife Crisis. It is a powerful read.
Incidentally, I hope your H was just venting about his dad's and really has no intention to move. If so, you are correct that you need legal advice pronto. Good luck with that.
