ok this helps me to understand the waw (in some cases) but still doesn't explain my once wah?? still trying to figure that one out...perhaps I was a borderline waw but knew better yet still pissed and moaned like a brat and h couldn't take it so went awol to yup you guessed it someone in the very same position as me but who was ignorant and became a waw anyway.
so let's see...I live in a very very nice brand new home...just like ow does...I stay home with my children just like ow does...h works hard to provide all this for me just like ow's h does...h is tired at the end of the day just like ow's h was (but her h still took her out to dinner go figure) I was lonely just like ow was...ow had people who came to her home and worked for her...well I do on occassion but not with the regularity that ow did...my h is the landscaper so it's just not like that...the oil delivery guy?? well he only comes once a month and less than that in the summer months when I would be outside...the mailman (well actually I think it's a woman) I can't even see my mailbox from the house...
so here goes...
I just had my house pressure washed..a nice attractive young guy came and cleaned the house...he was here for a good couple of hours...at times I watched him worked...heard him take phone calls and all I could think of was my h...
there's my h waking early going off to work..trying to get his jobs done..going from house to house wanting nothing more than to get it done and move on to the next house..being bombarded with phone calls from employees or other customers with their woes...this broke...we need a new this...when will you get to my house...bla bla bla...then there were the calls from me...who wanted him to be home...wa wa wa...what do you mean you wont be home til x...I thought you said you'd be home yada yada yada...I could picture this nice pleasant guy cleaning my house wanting nothing more than to finnish move onto the next to get home to his w and maybe child and hearing from her during the day wa wa wa where are you...when will you be home...bla bla bla....grrrrr....
anyway...I was nice and offered the guy a soda...said thank you we'll call you in the fall...he was happy and went on his merry way...
here's the difference between ow and I.
though I may be lonely at home alone with two little buggers..and it's nice to fantasize that the guy that just came to work on the house and smiled at you has the hots for you..I'd be dammed if I'd let him come to my house on a non-proffessional basis. but that is exactly what the ow did...
I don't know what the hell I'm saying here other than I feel pretty sorry for the ow...she's foolish, ignorant, selfish and in for a rude awakening..that pretty little house she has with her inground pool and hot tub..her proffessionally landscaped yard...her holiday parties..the luxury of staying at home...being there to hang with the landscapers and be home when her kids arive in from school...kiss it goodbye honey...you wont be living that way once your divorce goes through...
you say you'd rather be alone and lonely than with someone and lonely?? well hon you sure are going to be lonley for a long time then...you lost your bf when he came back to his wife...youre leaving your h selling your house...you will be a divorced mother of two with a terminal illness...how many men do you think you'll be getting attention from now???? but really I feel bad for you...you don't even realize how truly ignorant you are! LL
but seriously I can imagine how so many women especially those who are the caregivers can easily get wrapped up in some nice guy who pays them a little attention.
Quoting lostlove: but seriously I can imagine how so many women especially those who are the caregivers can easily get wrapped up in some nice guy who pays them a little attention.
How about my W, who is not a care giver or bread winner?
As you pointed out, attention goes a long way. But the most important thing is to draw the line somewhere. You draw it far away at the door of the house; OW did not. She might have thought that inside the house was okay; being friends were okay; chatting and party-throwing were okay. They misjudged their ability to resist the chemistry that could come naturally and unnoticed. They did not draw the line far enough to prevent this tragedy from happening.
Some realize it before it happens. That is why you draw the line far enough. Some may realize soon enough that they made a mistake; not just a financial one, but also one that could wreck the family. Your H is smart enough to recognize that. Some just stray with no returns. My W is likely to be one of them.
I think this is the difference between you and many WAW.
I hope this line of thinking would help you understand where OW is coming from, and, perhaps, be more compassionate towards her for her mistakes and pain. At least I think you are.
It was a great job. Maybe the next step is to stop calling her, lostlove .
chuck I haven't called the ow since october when I last saw that she had called my h...I want to call her...I want to take her little tokens and letters that I just found and bithc slap her once or twice and return everything including the man who loves her but that would be fruitless..
LL still has a whole lot of healing to do..
LL wants that silly little in love feeling...
LL wants the begining again...
LL wants the r and feelings that h shared with ow...
LL had it a long time ago...
now LL is left with what comes of that feeling
the real love...
but just like h...
LL wants to be in love
LL never stopped being in love with her h...
if she had she wouldn't have married him...she wouldn't have taken him back...she lies to herself when she says it's about the kids...it isn't...it's because she truly loves this man...she watches him work...she watches him sleep...she hurts...she cries...she's in pain...a pain that h has caused with his actions...giving his affections to another woman...the truth of that r may never be known to LL...all she has are words from ow...ow's expressions of love...nothing from h to ow...
LL wishes she had more faith in herself
LL wishes she truly believed the possitive things she lists about herself..but honesltly it's total crap that she tries to convince herself to get by...
LL wishes she were beautiful LL wishes she were smart LL wishes she were confident LL wishes she were strong LL wishes she were independant LL wishes she were good enough for her h...
LL doesn't know what to do with these feelings anymore...
LL needs reasurance and isn't feeling reassured...sure h came home but LL feels it's just for the kids and h is just putting up with LL so he can be with them.
Quote: LL wishes she truly believed the possitive things she lists about herself..but honesltly it's total crap that she tries to convince herself to get by...
The strength of your character shines through in your posts, LL. I think we all start feeling crappy about ourselves because we wonder "why." Frankly, I have to keep reminding myself it's about our Ses, not us. It's their pain, their weaknesses that drove them to do what they did. Yes, we might have helped open that door, but they walked out. You are a good person with strong values and have a lot to give. Your H knows this and that's why he's STAYING home.
Quote: h came home but LL feels it's just for the kids and h is just putting up with LL so he can be with them.
For many of us I believe this to be true...at first. But who cares if that's what it takes. Then, over time, the shift occurs in our S. If I went back a few threads, LL, I bet I'd see less that your H is doing than what he's doing today. He's coming around slowly, LL. Give it time. Yeah...yeah...I know...patience is crap! However, it's our best weapon when Piecing I think.
It's late for you. Go to sleep. My wish is that when you wake up in the morning, things will seem brighter... I even have my shades on in anticipation...
Quote: LL wishes she were beautiful LL wishes she were smart LL wishes she were confident LL wishes she were strong LL wishes she were independant LL wishes she were good enough for her h...
just not to h...to h LL is that misery that he must endure to come home to his children...the person who is all of that to h is the ow!!! I am nothing to him and have been nothing to him for a long time...he married me out of convinience, "it was the next step" he stays with me simply because of the children...and then says to me "no matter what I do it's never enough" gee maybe that's becuase you don't show me that you love me...sure you care...youre concerned who wouldn't be..your ability to leave in the morning depends on my being there and ok by 6 am so that you can leave...otherwise you'd be just fine if I were gone..sure your depressed about "us" going away next week...but I know you'll be happy to be rid of me for a week. and frankly at this point...I wish I were leaving this morning...and not comming back!!!!
to h LL is that misery that he must endure to come home to his children...the person who is all of that to h is the ow!!! I am nothing to him and have been nothing to him for a long time...he married me out of convinience, "it was the next step"
LL,
Why are you going to Disneyworld?? Sounds to me like you are on one hell of a roller coaster right now!!!! The reeses pieces didn't last too long did they? They put you on top, now you've rolled quickly to the bottom, so the next ride will be up again!!
I could be wrong about this, but you should let H know that you want to be intimate w/him before you go away! But do it in a suttle way! It won't matter any way, because you are going to be miserable at Disney! There is no OW, there is no OW!!! OK! beat that into your brain! Do your best to have a good time with the kids! Don't call H UNLESS the kids say they want to talk to Daddy!
If you want to call ME when you are at Disney just to talk, go ahead, I'm not going to come up there!!!!
Just have a good time, I know it will be hard, but it's what you need! You know from this board, you are in a lot better shape than a lot of people! Look at me, no W, kids are grown, Mom is 83, hell, I have to go to Disney alone and ride the rollercoaster!
What the hell did I just write about???????????????
I do understand what you are saying but like in my sit. she says she doesn't know if she will ever be ready for a R. we have been together alot lately and I know that should be enough but she will still say things like we are D so I can do what I want.This might offend some of the women here but I think in alot of instances the better you treat a woman the less satisfied in the R they are and maybe its because they don't have to work at it. It may well be the same for men.My XW even told me one time that maybe it was because I gave her everything she wanted and never told her no. I just told her that was the way a man was supposed to treat a woman he loved.LL you are fine,dig deep and find your happiness and the rest will follow. I guess you are feeling alot of what my XW is and I wish I understood it.
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nyP
nyP 