Hello all. About five weeks ago, I made an intimate advance to my H which resulted in him telling me he was miserable, had been for years and didn't want to talk about it with me. He left on a week long business trip saying he would think about what he wanted. I was fearful that once he said he was miserable that it was all over.
When he returned he said it was over, that he wanted to live his own life. He told people at work which necessitated us telling the kids the following week so that they heard it from us. We live in a one horse town. The kids know I don't agree with a divorce. He found an apartment the next week. He did stay with the kids while I took a week away to "process" at which time he initiated the divorce as he informed me he would. Personally, I'd like to adjust the acronym from WAS to RAS (run away spouse).
With that said, twenty five years of marriage has just disappeared. I honestly had no clue it was that bad.
I never ever thought that divorce would be in my life. It is a totally foreign concept even as the process creates its own momentum. I hate it.
If you read my initial thread, PMA does bunches for me. Positive change brings joy and wonder, making me a better person over all for myself and those around me. What is tough is facing the reality.
I thought I had a husband.
He valued me as the mother to his children, not his wife.
It's not that much different with him gone, out of the house. He was often traveling, working late, playing golf or watching TV while surfing the net on the laptop.
I only felt criticism coming from him and was extremely defensive. I only saw myself as inferior in his eyes. He disappeared as an individual the more I sought his approval. I lost sight of who he was. I forgot about "him" what made him so special as I floundered to be perfect (and failed) in his eyes. I gave up.
I'd been waiting for him to finally talk about how he felt, feeling a sense of relief that it was finally out in the open and we could talk about it. That didn't happen. I kept wondering where I was in this process, where was I when the decisions were being made. The answer came that I haven't been part of it for quite a while.
So.. I have to face the reality before I can look for hope.
I am married to a man who is committed to divorcing me not just on paper but from his life.
He is the father of our three incredible children who will always be in my life, regardless of the outcome of our marriage.
I have been a single parent for many years but just didn't know it.
My responsibilities in life aren't changing that much, my pay grade is just going down.
The kids are mine 24/7 except for dinner one night a week when he sees them (one one week, the other the following week, both the week after that). Oddly enough they have more personal time with him this way.
Accepting what "is" helps build what can be.
One thing I do know is that I deserve better. So does he.
The question is.. can we find what created such a wonderful union in each other based on a mature and loving relationship?
The answer is.. it's far too early to even ask that question.
