Sandi's Here in Piecing from Almost WAW

[Dom R]

Sandi... there are only a few limited ways you can interact with your H when you need someting, generally speaking. hopefully, i will cover all of them:

("I want something...")

• I deserve it as a person
• I deserve it as your wife
• It would make me really happy if...
• It would make me really UNhappy if....
• I'll give you something, if you give this to me

Pick one of them that you think would most work, and then we can suggest some effective ways to get it across. you may even want to combine them. But maybe you need to pick what you think is the most efective with him.
Not the one you'd "like" to use. Not the one that works for YOU. But the one that would be ost meaningful to HIM.

The trouble is, you claim that the last one wont work. It's normally the most effective with me. Are you sure? Why specifically do you think it wont work (give a specific past example?) and what do you mean, "where affection is concerned"?
Dont use euphamisms. are we talking feelings, or are we talking physical actions here?

There are also ways to talk about "if you do this, then I will do..." that are not strictly bargaining. I personally think you would be best off using that way.

ie: I know you like to do 10k runs. I know you'd like me to join you with them. I am not physically CAPABLE of running a 10k right now.
BUT! IF you are patient with me, and keep me company and help me do a "1k" one day... and then gradually help me do longer ones day by day.... then some day, I will be strong enough to do a 10k with you".

Now, is that "bargaining"? and either way, is it a "bad" thing?
I dont think it is.
Yet it is still, "you give me 'this', and then I can do 'that' for you".