We Hold on

[fightingirish]

Well Im back.. Actually we got back on the 4th around 1am in the morning...

Been busy trying to catch up and trying to catch up on all of you. Things are no better between us. Actually I am completly dissapointed in how things went. We never got to get out by ourselves, he really had no interest in it. The kids had fun.. but his lack of patience for them was really wearing on me. He was constantly yelling at the kids the whole time and had no understanding that a 2 year old isn't going to be a perfect little gentleman when he's had no nap, and his schedule is off... He snipped at me the whole time for every little thing that happend. I was able to keep it together for the kids sake, putting on a happy face, but inside I was screaming my fool head off!

I met a woman from england, which right away was thinking about you, saffie..and wishing I could talk to you, or any of you for that matter..

I don't know exactly what his problem is.. he really is a jerk, to be plain.

I didn't get to see LWB but you were in my thoughts actually as I went by chef mickey on the monorail.Did you feel my vibes??

I don't want to make this too long, but Im really depressed.. to top it all off he will be away a lot this summer and fall, more so than last year we just found out. So Im in a rought spot here. Although I wouldn't leave him.. mainly because of the kids, I have to come to realization that my needs will never be met by this man. He is completely self centered and controling, to the point where, I just don't want to be around him.

I think im changing and my whole outlook on my life is different. I keep thinking I have to spend the rest of my life with this man and can I really go on like this, my answer always is I Have to for my kids sake, they would be devasted if anything happen, and that would be more for me to bare then if I was to stay...

I know, Im not making any sense.

Right now, he is in work mode, and actually is a very driven person and motivated when it comes to work. I do believe he will be a rich man one day, but it make be at the expense of me.

I know what you all will say to me that we need to get out together, and spend some time, I honestly don't think at this point it would help, He has a one track mind and would only start talking about work not us.. In his mind, as long as we are having sex, he's ok with everything... this doesn't work for me, I need more than that.

Ok I will stop rambling, I will check up some more on all of you.. missed you all..

tal