This is the first weekend (so far) that I have felt like a human being, and it is just 5:40 a.m. I have been down with the Fibro flare-up every weekend for so long until I can't remember the last time I wasn't "down" from Friday-Monday. Also, the fist part of the week I felt bad b/c of sinus, etc., but you know what, I think the past two days I can tell the new antidepression meds are kicking in. Oh, I hope so, b/c this would be the first time I have ever felt any effect from AD meds! If I could feel this normal from now on as I do right now......I guarantee you the ole Sandi would be back!! (And I mean that in a good way!) I am so excited right now that when my H gets up, I'm going to suggest to him that we go celebrate by just getting out of town for a day and go shopping.....eat out.....just look around (that's our idea of celebrating....lol). Oh, Dom, you just don't know how good it feels to just think that maybe, just maybe, I can get back to myself again. I am sitting here with tears of joy b/c now I feel real hope. You see, that was one of my biggest stumbling blocks.....I just couldn't feel "hope" b/c of my depressed state. Between my physical problems and the depression.....I couldn't get my butt in gear! But, if the AD meds are the reason behind the difference that I have felt the last couple of days.....I can deal with the pain of the Fibro and back problems a whole lot better.
I just wanted to tell you and Forrest and all my friends that may read this post that I feel "happy" today for the first time in years....(in spite of problems with grandson).....Sandi....me...I feel happy with hope in my heart today. I could just shout. But it's too early on Saturday morning, so I won't do that.....lol.
Okay....so back to what you were saying in your reply to my last post to you.
Quote:
What is the most dramatic, most extreme, most "I thought he'd get it this time!!" way you have tried to tell him about your needs so far?
The truth of the matter is that I honestly don't remember. All I can think of at the moment was that I tried to communicate it through conversations with him. At times I would be very emotional b/c of the neglect of my needs. He just either did not get it or else he didn't know what to do and apparently, I wasn't getting through with what I needed him to do.
Now, I remember a lot of dramatic things I did to try to meet his needs....lol. But, since we're talking about me, I won't get into all of that now.
Quote:
sounds like you have settled back into yours. I'm glad that things have "calmed down" between you. They could be so much better than that, though.
Yes, you are so correct about that! But as I said in my above statements, if I can continue to feel this way and this little flame of hope can start to flare up some more.....that is going to change. Oh God, but it just feels so wonderful.
However, I still need you and Forrest and anyone else to tell me what you men need in order to get the message across to him. What can I do? I really think he realizes that he failed to meet my needs over the years, but he simply does not know what to do or how to do it. He has not admitted to that fact. He told me that he had not done anything wrong.....this was in our R talk after the OM exposure. He said that he had done the best he knew how and nothing seem to work. So, see how we just can't reach each other? That was what really got to me when he said he had done nothing wrong. He would not own up to any part of the breakdown in our M. It was all my fault. When he said that.....I really gave up having any hope for the future as far as us obtaining a intimate R. As you remember, he always blamed me for not having more sex when we were younger. It was always my fault. When he said what he did in that day, I think I gave up even trying ever again and decided that I would just try to stay in the M for my family's sake and if my H and I could maintain a "comfortable" relationship with each other....then I would "settle" for it. So, you are right on, sweetie!
My H woke up and I stopped what I was doing when he came to the door and saw I was up and on the computer (lol). I immediately got up and went and put my arms around him and told him how I was feeling today. I broke down and was crying and told him how much I hoped this would last and not wear off in a few days. Once several years ago, the doctor tried me on some AD's and it was wonderful for about a week and then it wore off and I was worse than before he gave them to me. Anyway, my H became emotional and was shedding tears of joy!!! He never does that!!
So, miracles still happen? I hope so....and I hope I can come back every day and tell you that it is still happening.
Now I am ready to go to work! So, tell me what to do....lol. However Dom, I can't do the type things like you suggested before when you said to tell him if he done X for me then I could do Z for him. He doesn't opperate that way......not where affection is concerned. To him that is bargining and he wouldn't do it, in fact, he would be offended by the suggestion. But, I will at least listen to what you suggest as to how to get his attention to what my needs are.
Just to see how he reacted to my news this morning was so good. Perhaps now he will feel like trying a little harder on his part of the R too.
Well, I'll talk your ears off later. Have a good weekend, sweetie. I sure plan to do that very thing.
Signed, The New Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
