what if they were right

[peaceful_spirit]

These are really thought-provoking questions. And none can be answered easily. This is teh very reason why being M is so hard and the D rate is so high.

In my experience, it's a matter of working throug the process - our own internal process. Then finally getting to a point where you know what you must do. In my experience, when I have been conflicted with similar questions (and I have, on many occasions), I would sometimes just be so confused that I would tell myself that I don't have the answer right now. Then I would pray to God for guidance. And - again, in my experience - somehow, someway, the answer would come.

So, I think it's just a matter of each of us working through oru own stuff before we can find the answer.

HOWEVER... I did read once in a book about healing a M after an A, that there are three things that determine the success:

1. That the M couple was at one point in time, in love.
2. That the unfaithful spouse is remorseful
3. [this one I have to try to remember]... I think this one was around both partners recognizing what role they each played in the troubles in the M and taking accountability.