Action Speaks Much Louder Than Words

[fooled again]

I took my ring off when I found out for the 2nd time he'd been lying to me about OW, over a year after I first discovered his A. By then H hadn't worn his for years. He said it was problem in his line of work - he would take it off then put it back on. After awhile he'd forget (he said), then I never saw it on his finger. Sometime in there he'd started his A, but I didn't make the connection.

When I took my ring off, in my mind my M was over. After that, for 2 mos H slowly worked me to the point of considering reconciliation. Then again I found out OW was still around. I didn't put my ring back on since discovery 2, and I won't until H starts to come out of the tunnel, probably until he moves back home, if that ever happens.

The ring meant nothing to H for a long time, but it meant something to me. Me taking mine off was a signal to him that I was ready to move on without him. If we reconcile, that is when I put my ring back on. You don't wear a wedding ring before you get married, and though I'm technically married, I am not living as someone's wife. Sound petty? I hope not. It's DBing to me - acting as if I'm getting on w/ my life. What I'm NOT doing is sitting around pining for my H, wearing a symbol of my undying devotion to him, showing the world that I'm married.

I do want H to know that I'm hopeful we will reconcile, so I let my other actions speak - my touch, my smile, my eye contact when he talks to me. We still spend time together (dates, if you will), and we ML once in awhile, when the right times come along. I ask him about his day, his games, his friends and share the joy of his "wins". I talk to him about our D, her successes, her challenges. I thank him for any nice thing he does for me. When he says ILY, I say ILY2. Sometimes I say it first. Right now he is my friend, albeit a very special friend. My actions reflect that, and these are the actions that I will use to show my H where my heart is, not a ring on my finger.

FA