We are here for you. If it matters let me say that life does get better. The sun does start shining again. You will feel that you can be on your own. How do I know? Because it worked for me. I came out of the black hole that was my attitude.
I still love my wife, but I know that I can be fine without her. It will happen. I promise.
About last night, it was my pleasure (actually it wasn't but you know what I mean). Nothing funny about what you are going through and what you are feeling. I have been there with my W lying to my face regarding her whereabouts and then last night with her "new" trip to Mexico. I am there again today by your side with the same feelings....maybe not as strong.
I think I am ok for now, yeah. I am mostly numb but also sad. I was watching Cold Mountain while I folded laundry, it was on cable and I have never seen it before. If you haven't seen it Nicole Kidman is waiting for Jude Law to come back from the Civil War. She writes him a letter and they do a voice over and you hear her saying, "Come back to me, come back to me...." I know H isn't gone to war but it made me cry b/c I am wanting the real H to come back to me.
And then when they finally reunite and he is so amazed and awestruck to finally be in her presence again after working so hard to get back to her, I cried again. B/C I want to feel loved like that. Like I am a treasure that is worth working so hard for, and like I am so appreciated just by being me and being here, now, for the person who loves me....
Anyway stuff like that upsets me. But otherwise I am just numb and amazingly in a good way I guess I have no desire to call H. There is nothing left to say. I have done all I can do. My only obligation now is to me and to S and D.
The only downside since I posted a few hours ago is my phone has rung showing "Unknown Caller" about 5 times in 2 1/2 hours. When H used to call me from the office it would say "Unknown Caller". Telemarketing here usually shows the 800 number or organization they are calling from....
Anyway the first 2 times they hung up before I got to the phone. The second 2 times they hung up after I answered, right away. The last time whoever called sat on the line for about 25-30 seconds. I just said, "If someone wants to talk to me, please talk. Otherwise, please don't call anymore". And hung up. I am not going to even answer if they call again, it isn't worth the effort. But since H said in the letter last night he assumes OW and I will want to chat I am wondering if it is her. I have not a word to discuss with her, what good would that do anyone, and I don't owe her a thing........
But anyway I am mostly numb and partly sad... Thanks for checking on me. No word from H. I am assuming he will not be down until tomorrow.
You will be loved like that again. I promise. You are too special. Either your H will pull his head out and come home or someone else will be lucky enough to meet you.
The initial battle scene in "Cold Mountain" is based upon the real Battle of the Crater. I was not that impressed with the movie that much as it was a bit slow and boring.
I just watched a really good relationship movie that brought out some tears at a few spots, but otherwise, it was very enjoyable:
There is a nice gal in the movie that has a cheating H and she might give you some inspiration.
Pretty weird about the phone calls. If it was OW, what could she want to say? If OW does call, just tell her to not call you again and hang up on her. Unless she is going to be around your kids in the future, there is no reason for you to have to discuss anything with her.
Thanks guys! Kerry, I get why you maybe didn't care for Cold Mountain. Most of the middle is Nicole Kidman and Renee Zellweger bonding, sort of chick flick stuff probably to you...I should check out that other movie.
Woog, thanks for being my watchdog/teddy bear. I appreciate it. Hope you are currently in the middle of an enjoyable dinner. If you do have dessert, I recommend Creme Bulee'
I believe I AM okay, for now at least. After I got off of this thing again, I went and got kids from school (I always call day care school, guess it sounds more "important" that way!). I decided to take them out for a non-drive-thru supper since we needed to get groceries and I wanted to feed them first to avoid grocery-store melt downs.
Nate (S5) chose Lone Star Steakhouse. Sounded good to me too since H is the one who grills around here which means I haven't had steak in a couple of weeks. So I got the filet and salmon combo with awesome steamed broccoli. Kids got kid meals that came with ice cream sundaes. S was in heaven that I let him order a pop with his meal...D is still too young for that privelege.
On the way to dinner H called. He can't get the truck until early next week, at least that is what he said. So he is coming down tonight and in fact should be here any minute. He called again as we were entering the grocery store so I kept it short. He was just telling me where on the road he had gotten so far (don't know why I needed to know that necessarily). In retrospect I wonder if he was testing the waters, taking my mental temperature so to speak.
After hanging up I worried I was too willing to chat tonight. Came home and re-read "After the Last Resort" from the Affair section of DR book. Yep, I should stick to the topic of the kids ONLY when talking with him. But, how do you do that if they bring up other things? He was telling me about things that happened at work and a friend of his family's who got killed in a car accident today, etc. Do you just say "Oh, mm hmmm..." and leave it at that, do you NOT talk at all, what? I don't want H to think I am still his buddy. I want to be his buddy and supportive spouse while he fixes himself but I am absolutely NOT willing to do that until he permanently ditches OW. Do I come right out and SAY that? Or do I let actions speak louder than words?? He will be here for 48 hours I will most likely not be gone from here that whole time. So suggestions on the "Right" behavior for "After the Last Resort?" I don't want to be written off as the b!tch, but I want to make it clear that all we are now is co-parents unless and until there is drastic action taken on the OW front...
But wow I am surprised I am holding up okay I think......
