Worried I found DB too late

[cw68]

Crappy night. Fun at first. Actually seemed to be enjoying dinner. He brought up what was new in my life, how his counseling was going, a little R talk, but good and not deep. I kept my cool and even pointed out that, "See I can talk about this without crying."

Then we came back to the house and he said goodbye to us all in the garage. Full on meltdown with the kids inside. S5, who usually doesn't talk about any of this, cried for his dad, said he was sad that he didn't live here and wish he would come back. That he just wanted to talk to his dad. I let him call him. It did calm him down. But the D6 went into her fits, was crying on the phone with him. I calmed her down, spoke briefly with H, who said that he thinks everyday about coming home but didn't say if he thought it was a good idea or bad (that's fine, I understand). D6 spent a good half-hour crying in her bed with me consoling her. For a six-year old, she's very insightful, very deep. She said she thought there was something wrong with her dad's heart, his body and his mind that he didn't want to live with his kids. She told me it made her feel that he didn't love being her dad.

My heart broke more tonight. I didn't think there was anything left to break. This situation sucks.