I don't know if this helps, but my W has also said things like - I was happy with the way things were if I hadn't met OM none of this would have happened. However what happened happened and W is depressed and withdrawn at the moment, one or two very small positive signs showing some signs of affection but then withdrawing.
In my case even having W in the house is difficult there is obviously a lot going on behind the mask but it is beyond my/our control. She is here physically but mentally....who knows.
The lack of control over the situation IS difficult and your imagination runs riot, this just leads to more anxiety if you think the worst. Take comfort in any small positive steps, at least they are not negative. Try to visualize what you want and keep that as a motivation.
My strategy at the moment is to let things ride but mainly not to burn any bridges or close any doors.
Could it be that when H returns he may not commit but maybe without any pressure he won't run?
Can you mange to stay detached and still let him resolve this at his own pace?
I admire you for hanging in there for so long. S E Asia is actually a great place to GAL, pamper yourself!
