Tied to the Whipping Post

[Punktmann]

((((Mishka,))))

I hope that you are doing well. I've been very busy at work as I mentioned above, and I haven;t been able to keep up here much.

Thank you for your kind words.

I'll keep listening, I promise.

I like what I hear, forgive, no anger.

Those are thing that I like to hear. Things that make me feel better, and make me more like I was before this began.

Thanks.

Punkt.

[missmyfriend]

Your friends are right Punk. They have a lot of confidence in you as do I. The irony is that your spouse needs you now more than ever, even it is to be distantly loving and patient with her while she continues self defeating behavior.

Stay on the path, my friend.

mmf

[Punktmann]

MMF, Thanks.

Your friends are right Punk. They have a lot of confidence in you as do I.

I'm not sure I deserve it, but thanks anyway.

even it is to be distantly loving and patient with her while she continues self defeating behavior.

Stay on the path, my friend.

What a difference a day makes.

She is odd since arriving home after her travel, and the court date. Not any closer, but she is different.

It appears that my throwing in the towel and going along with this shocked her.

Whatever it is, it just is.

We talked about the settlement tonight, and her moving out. She was vague, and almost expressed surprise when I told her that I wanted to tell the kids befoe she started packing things up.

I told her that I would help her AMAP given the current financial sitch, no worries about repayment, or time.

She teared up a bit, but I left it alone.

That's not my problem or under my control.



I'm through with fighting this fight though. I just don't have the energy.

Perhaps this is what needs to happen, for both of us.

Anyway, it is happening, and I don't have any power to change it.

I'm just along for the ride, and what a ride it is.


What is in my control is me.

[Imageer]

Punk, I'm glad to hear you are finding your centre again. This is a long battle. What your W does now she will most likely come to regret later, so how you react to her and treat her now will have an effect when she reaches that point.

Something of interest to you ...... My W told me today that she spoke to a couple of D lawyers recently. She said that they both advised her to be very agressive in persuing a D. They wanted her to go after the house, the car and most relevant to you, they wanted her to seek full custody of the kids.

All the actions our Ws take are not of their own creation. I'm sure they have many forces influencing them.

[missmyfriend]

Punk she wants it and she doesn't want it. She doesnt know what to do so she is misinterpreting a D as her being in control. She is a very confused person.

I agree with Imageer. She will, more than likely, regret her decision later.

You already know that she was told by her friend that she is still in love with you. She cannot handle that so she is going to show fake strength by pursuing a D.

[Punktmann]

Imageer,

so how you react to her and treat her now will have an effect when she reaches that point.

Something of interest to you ...... My W told me today that she spoke to a couple of D lawyers recently. She said that they both advised her to be very agressive in persuing a D. They wanted her to go after the house, the car and most relevant to you, they wanted her to seek full custody of the kids.


The fact that she talked to you about what they said sounds good. I hope that she is in a place where she is really thinking about this, and not just driving blindly forward.

I hope so, and I'll be praying on that too.


I am very fortunate. I had a lot of time to cool off after the conference, she was out of town.

I believe that it was a matter of strategy, but to me, that makes it even worse, that she would gamble with my parental rights and abilities knowing that I am a good father.

I told her that I would consider changing school districts once they were settled with the D changes.

Not good enough, "F" you, I'll try to take them away from you for my convenience.

Ugh. Bleh. Who ARE you?



When I talked to her tonight, I made it a point to let her know that I was not trying to control her, or make her stay. I also let her know that I would be VERY flexible in the financial arrangements, and would go out of my way to make sure she could accomplish her goals and she could make up any difference at her convenience.

I think she'll end up needing that financial support, so I didn't want her to feel like she couldn't have what she is after.

All told, I just want it over, and money is not an issue here, as long as we're not talking retirement type sums. Smaller amounts I'm happy to just forget about.



All the actions our Ws take are not of their own creation. I'm sure they have many forces influencing them

Well said.

There are other forces at work than what we can physically see.



Red DOES get more attention as you know. Right or wrong, some things just are what they are.

Blue or black cars on the other hand....


Best,

Punkt.

[mishka422]

Ok, so what about silver cars? I always hope it almost disappears in a blur as I flash by!!!! That fun little sticker on the back usually keeps them from paying much attention to me though.

You are sounding like you are in a much better place for you right now. One day at a time. Your W will realize what she has done in time and she will regret it. It sounds like she is using the kids to take further control of her out of control situation. You know what to fight for and what to let go but don't let your emotions get away from you in the fight. I know it's really hard when your kids are in the middle to push the raw emotions down. Pray before you speak even if that means before each and every sentence out of your mouth.

Hugs to you Punkt! You are doing great and "throwing in the towel" doesn't really mean you are done, it only means that towel needed laundering (i.e. - cleasing). Just open the linen closet, get another one, and return to the next round.

[missmyfriend]

Punk, I don't think she will ever be happy being without you. She will find out, on her own, you weren't the problem.

[Punktmann]

MMF, I think you are right.


I still really care what happens to her, and what goes on in her life. Not like I want to have a say in that anymore, but like I don't want her to be unhappy.

I guess you could say that I'm pissed that things are hard for her, and that she is unhappy right now.

She is unhappy.

We've had several conversations about money and the logistics of what to do next. She really didn't understand what was said and agreed to at the settlement conference. She's a very intelligent woman, so I kind of have to blame her attorney for that. Either that, or her MLC fog is interfering with her understanding. If that is the case, I'm pissed that there is something going on in her head that is messing her up that badly.

Either way, I'd just really like to see her get back to the strong able minded person she once was.

Not my problem, I know, but it sucks to see her that way.

During this afternoon's discussion, I offered to make dramatic changes in the liqid financial settlement, so that she can (maybe,) buy rather than rent, and pay me back when she can.

I doubt that would ever happen, (paying back,) b/c life happens, but who cares, I want this to go as easy as possible for everyone, and quickly.

Funny, this all just sucks, but I don't feel the impending doom hanging over me anymore, I just want it over quickly now.

There is a definate difference in how I feel now, at peace, and impatient, and how I felt before last friday, still hanging on.

Maybe that's what everyone means when they talk about dropping the rope. If so, I've really dropped it.

I'm sad to see her get upset when we talk about things now, but I don't feel it like a kick in the teeth anymore.


I am just really needing to get this over with and move forward.

I need it to end, and soon.


She was gone for a week on business, and I felt great during that time. Whatever is to come, I finally need that separation and distance from her issues. It's not about me, and I don't want to be part of the drama anymore. If I thought that I could help her by being together, I'd take a different view, but I don't.



Whatever she decides to do, in our sitch, it can't happen until she gets away from me.

If I had started DBing earlier, and hadn't let 3 years of hell roll through our lives, I think that there would have been a good chance for reconciliation before the D. Now, if it happens at all, I think that it will be long after the D, and long after things fail with the OM.

I don't know if I'll be around then.

I guess it all depends on how the kids adjust.


I'm learning new depths to the word irony.

[mishka422]

It certainly sounds like you have dropped the rope Punkt. That is good for you and her.

I can understand that watching your wife spiral downward like this for so long has tortured you but don't you think it has made you grow as well? Maybe this is God's plan for your life. You needed to grow and your W's crisis was the catalyst for that. As you said, you can't really help her through this, she has to help herself. Hopefully she will before her life gets totally out of control.

You hug those kids and keep being the fantastic dad you are! I know you worry about how this will all affect them but since you aren't radiating pain anymore they will not feel the tension from you anymore. That is a plus for them. I realized that my pain and tension was making my son tense and as soon as I found a way to control that within my self he relaxed too.

TAKE CARE OF YOU PUNKT!

I'll continue to pray for all of you.