Hi Tree Thanks for posting on your thread. I've had a quick read through of your situation, and I think you should be very proud of yourself. I am always amazed at the people on these boards that can DB and detach while living with their spouses who are all over the show. Its much easier to do the GAL and focusing on yourself when you are separated! (I only say that that so you dont fear separation - if it comes to that I found it much better than living with H in his confusion and upset.). I mentally tried to stop myself thinking about H at the start of our separation by thinking: a) I'm thinking about H again b) What would I like to do for the next half an hour c) Doing something nice and focused on myself for half an hour
Eventually you realise that you can go hours without thinking about them, and when you do think about them it doesnt get you in the guts....
I also realised that I got upset whenever I wasnt able to accept the situation. And it would show through in the interaction with H because I would be fighting against the situation. So I still do have to say things to myself like a) I accept that H and I are separated. That is exactly the way that it is at the moment. I dont like it but I accept it. I can accept it for the next half hour at least! b) I accept that the lovely H I married does not appear to exist anymore. c) I accept that my life is not turning out the way I wanted it to. I dont have to like this turn of events but I do have to accept it.
When you realise that you are going to be OK, even if the thing you are fearing the most happens, it helps with accepting the situation. In fact your situation sucks right now, and it probably cant get much worse, so it can only get better!
