Supermom meets Cookie Chick

[JennyF]

jm...I'm having a tough time with stage 2. I thought we were doing ok until the other day.

Lizzy...thanks for the hugs! Always appreciated!

Hey Brit...good to hear from you.
H does well with S. Sometimes he has his Mommy around for back up...but not always. My H has always been a great Dad and he knows I know it. I do know that if he was having a hard time he wouldn't tell me though. He's mentioned before when S has had a fussy night...but he doesn't get into it much. He does the same with D. I know that D asks for him a lot when she's with me and I try to keep her in touch with him when she does. But doesn't do the same for me. I know she asks for me more than he lets on.

I think him wanting S (while I know is genuinely because he wants to spend to time with him)...is also because he really does want to be as involved with his kids as much he possibly can be to really show people that he isn't totally a bad guy. He left me...not his kids as he loves to say.
But when it's my weekend though...H doesn't call. Not even to chat with D or see how S is doing. I find it weird and I personally don't understand how a parent can go 3 days with no contact with their 3 year old who can talk and understand perfectly well enough for a phone conversation.
Sometimes I think he does really want to be the best Dad he can be...just part time.

Tonight when he dropped of S I asked if we were cool. He kind of just said yeah, why? I said because things were going well and we were communicating without the tension between us and now it's back. He didn't really say anything. He just said that I've made my choice (to not let him have S overnight) and he has no choice. I just nodded and he left.

I find it quite interesting because this is truly the first thing I've denied him. And I am truly denying it because I am not ready. I'm already giving S up more than I want to and giving up that time breast feeding...I'm not giving him up overnight before I'm ready.

Tomorrow H has S for the whole day though. I said I'd prefer if he kept him more hours in the day and brought him home overnight. So he'll be gone for 12 hours tomorrow. I'm bothered by it, but I'm trying to focus on the positives.
I'm getting a lot of baking done. While S was gone tonight I made 4 batches of dough. I had a glass of wine and Ben Harper blaring! I haven't listened to music in a while because it depresses me...but tonight if felt good to turn it up and groove in my kitchen again.
Tomorrow I'll pull out my Dave Matthews for the baking portion!! And who knows...maybe some more wine too.
J~