No one to turn to- 2

[sandi2]

And I don't think that he is buying time to be with OW. He is buying time to think things over, while dragging the OW along on the leash!

I think that came from Stella's post. It described me to a tee! I was afraid to let the OM loose b/c I might just need him after all was said and done. Like, if things didn't work out in the M then I would have OM waiting in the wing....or on the leash dragging him behind me (lol) all the while I was trying to figure out if I wanted to risk staying in my M and working it out with my H, considering our history, our kids, yada, yada.

Okay, back to the snooping. Remember the S that is having an A is not "normal" if they are in MLC (especially). You can't compare them with logical people! There is no logic to their thinking! They are not rational! Listen to me.....I felt like I had been raped when my H revealed to me what he knew through his snooping. Now how much plainer can I get than that? Sure I was the one that was on the internet with this OM. I was wrong...very wrong, for contacting OM. I was wrong for having an EA, flirting with OM, the whole nine yards, but I still felt violated by my H!!! I was in total disbelief that he would do such a thing to me! Yep, that's what I said. Now, you will probably see this as self-rightousness. I did not, nor does the MLC'er. They are in a fog and do not think nor feel with logic. That is what you must get through your heads or it will drive you nuts trying to figure out their behavior and thought pattern. There is none, so I will save you a lot of time.

To Andabelle......sweetie I am so sorry to tell you this, but that's right, the MLCer thinks it is none of the S's business. To the MLCer, it is private! Strickly between them and the OP. That is why they sneak around with it. You didn't think they were going to say, "Oh look honey, I am having an affair and I wanted you to see everything I've written to my lover and let me tell you all the details in case something was left out." It isn't going to happen. They can't or won't share that. I have not--nor will I share that information with my H, and I told him that I would not discuss my OM with him. Now mind you.....I am no longer in contact or having an EA with OM, but this is when my H had confronted me and I was going through the withdrawals from OM and we were talking our R talks. I still have not talked about OM with my H and I won't. If I ever do, it will be a long time from now, b/c I don't want to talk about him, and I don't want to think about him and drag up those feeling again. It is almost like by discussing it with your S, things will never be clean and good again. That's why you don't want to "share" (if you will) that part of what happened with the one your truly love. It's not that is was so beautiful or special or whatever...that you want to keep all the wonderful little feelings of what happen all to yourself! Far from it. I think it is more that you feel that by sharing it makes your M soiled in some way. The A has done enough damage, but to dig it out and hang it up for your S to inspect.....it's just too much for the MLC'er or the WAS to deal with. I think that is one reason they react so badly if you ask questions about the OP and the A....even after talking about your MR and getting back together and working the M out. Call it shame, embarrasement, guilt, or whatever you want to call it, but the truth is that your S will never, more than likely, ever truly want to share the details about his/her A with OP. Some S's insist upon knowing every little detail of an A. I think, from what I've read, that it is usually the W's that seem to need to know this information more than the H's. Usually the W's have blown it up in their imaginations to a much larger degree of importance than it really was in life.......by that I meant to say that the W will think, "Oh they had terrific sex, or she must have been more beautiful & sexy than me, etc." That is hardly ever the case at all. The A was the symptom or result of something wrong in the M to start with. Now some H's force their W's to have an open email account where he can read everything, or he'll take the webcam away, and he'll check the phone bills, text messages, all of that (men are so stupid at times.....like we couldn't figure out another way to do it! Sorry guys, but really!) Well, to be fair to the guys here that I love.....some of the females are just as bad, but it is usually the H that throughs his weight around to "force" the W to obey him! (ugh) But seriously, if your S really wants to contact the OP, they will open a secret email account or buy another cell phone....I mean, there are ways if they are determined enough.

Let's see, is there anything else I can shock you with? Oh, yeah, it is not that it's "wrong" to snoop. Maybe we have used the incorrect term in explaining what "not to do". It's not that it's wrong, but it's a "no-no". We should have said that it will not help matters, but in fact, it will turn everything much worse than what it already was. To say that it is "wrong" for the spouse to snoop on the unfaithful one, is like saying that it is okay for the A to not be any of the spouse's business! Is that clear as mud? Okay, so to the LBS of the one in MLC, there should be no secrets between a M couple, right? See, that's logic, that is rational. It doesn't work! Remember......no logic!!!

FYI, I would still be upset to know that my H was still checking up on me and snooping to see if I am being a good girl. I would still feel that my privacy was invaded. Do I have something to hide? Nope! However, I am that type of person. Just as some of you may keep a few dollars tucked back in a jar for a rainy day that you S doesn't know about...maybe you are saving for a birthday surprise (?) or you have journals and write private thoughts and wouldn't want anyone reading it.....that's kind of the way I am. In fact, I have started several journals in the past and would eventually end up burning them b/c I was afraid I would die and somebody would read my private thoughts. Now if you knew how boring my life was, you would laugh your head off. It was not b/c I had done anything to be ashamed of or committed some terrible sin (except for the EA, of course) or committe a crime, but it was just the fact it was MY thoughts......MY personal business! Does that make sense? Sometimes I don't make myself clear on these issues.

So by now Andabelle has completely fainted and needs to be revived. Sorry sweetie, but I believe I have told the truth the best I can. The truth bits, doesn't it? I think you can read from the posts of LBS that that was the way their S's were.

So, if I can bring anymore sunshine into your worlds, just drop in and chat with me. I am in Piecing my Marriage Back Together Again forum, and I'm Sandi....an almost WAW.