I'm a big fan of the Beatles and I think that "All you need is love" is a great song. I've never felt a stronger and deeper love for my W than I do right now.
A quick synopsis goes like this: 09/16/2007: I was gone for the weekend and came home to get the talk. She needed some time to figure herself out as she wasn't happy. This had happened once before in early July of the same year and that lasted a couple days. I figured that this would be something similar. I also believed that this was all her and that I didn't have any issues that I needed to work out. Little did I know.
10/13/2007: She wasn't getting the space or time that she needed while she was at her parents, so I encouraged her to get out on her own. Up until this point we still talked regularly and she had made reference to coming home.
10/16/2007 - 11/16/2007: This was the dark period. I didn't really contact her and she barely contacted me. Pretty much the only contact was a 10 minute phone call once a week.
11/17/2007: During one of the 10 minute conversations I had asked her if I could take her out for dinner for her birthday. She called in the early evening and asked if the offer still stood. This began the period of more contact and actual R conversation.
Thanksgiving Day: Got invited to her apartment for the first time and we ended up having a 2 hour R talk. Nothing was resolved, but I did get to understand her position better and started to see the failings of the R from her point of view.
Thanksgiving - 2/4/2008: This was a most confusing time. We would have a week or two of constant contact and hanging out and then she would retreat for a week or two. I tried to just go with the flow during this period and not push her for more than she was ready for. This time included her spending much more time at the house and even spending the night on the couch a few times.
2/7/2008: She invites me up to her place for the evening and I end up spending the night with her in her bed.
2/11/2008: She wants to quit her job and move back home.
After that, we started talking about each other wants and needs in a R. She started to move her stuff back home and about a week later she stays at the house all the time. She told OM (EA) last weekend that she can't talk to him anymore. She still has some stuff to move back in, but 90% of it is back. She has her apartment for one more month, but she doesn't plan on being there at all. Things have been going really well. Tomorrow is the last day at her job. This has been a big stress in her life and I encouraged her to quit. We're both committed to making things different and realize that it will take work to make it last long term. Our physical relationship has also heated back up. This has all taken some adjustment as I got used to living alone, but I welcome the changes and relish in her companionship.
So, I'm new to piecing, but not new to the threads. I'm always open to advice and/or criticism.
Peace to all, B
Me: 29 W: 28 T: 10 M: 7 No kids 2 Dogs and 1 Cat With Parents: 09/16/07 Apartment: 10/13/07 Back Home: ~2/16/2008
Welcome. Know that you will need to DB even harder than ever now. Staying detached, GAL, PMA, lots of hard work are all still ahead of you. There will be ups and downs, and you just have to be patient.
Be aware that at some point you might feel angry or like walking away yourself. Remember that your W hasn't had the benefit of DB life and may slip sometimes. When YOU start feeling like the alien, step back and look at yourself and remember everything you've learned here.
Congrats!
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
HOOOOORRRRAAYYYYYYY!!! I was wondering when you would pop back up! And look at you... you made it to piecing!! I want to give you a huge gold star, or a big hug, or a whole bunch of muffins!!!!
I am really excited for you... You give me hope and inspiration.
And thank you so much for stopping by my thread! I was wondering if you were going to disappear now that you're piecing. But I'm glad you might stick around and share a bit more of your journey with us
Can I ask you a question? When your W was still away, what did you pray for, when you prayed just for her, not for your R?
SD, I know that we have a lot of work to do yet to really make this a solid marriage. It's something that I will work on for the rest of my life.
Transformer, I'll take a big hug and a bunch of muffins. I'll try to keep up with posting. I feel like I owe this community a lot. As for your prayer question... I posted something to Jenny a while back on this and here's a link to the post: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1359359
Kalni, Thanks for the encouragement.
Last night as we were laying in bed, she told me how she regrets the last six months. She wishes that they never happened and feels horrible for hurting me. She said that she hoped that I could forgive her. It felt really good to hear these things from her.
Peace, B
Me: 29 W: 28 T: 10 M: 7 No kids 2 Dogs and 1 Cat With Parents: 09/16/07 Apartment: 10/13/07 Back Home: ~2/16/2008
Wow, I can't believe I haven't read your thread before. I just skimmed through it, but I can really identify with a lot of things you've gone through. Wish I was at the place where you are. My W moved back in, but we didn't really have a plan to move forward, so it didn't work very well. I'm currently in detach mode.
Anyway, I'm feeling good for you and will plan on spending more time reading through your threads.
First of all - congrats for getting here. I want to share my story as advice for you and all new "piecers" - there's still much, much work to do.
You seem to understand that, but if you want to read my long saga, you'll see the bad, then the good, then you'll see where I made too many promises, moved to fast and have dragged us back to the brink.
Here's hoping my screwup can help others to avoid the same fate! My Piecing Pitfall
B!!!! I'm so glad you're here in piecing. I'm so happy for you....your W is a very very lucky woman and I hope she knows that.
Thanks so much for all of your support. Doesn't look like I'll be joining you any time soon in piecing...but I'm glad I know where to find you! Take care. J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
