H is having affair after all

[Evie]

Thank you all so much for your words of support and comfort it means so much to me to log on and find lots of positive reponses from old friends and new ones.

A lot has gone down today and i'm emotionally drained. You know that feeling when your sick of talking?

Came to light that OW's in laws have had her and H followed and H has had her in the house overnight last Aug and Sept while i was away. Either 1 or both of the boys would have been in the house at the time. I felt physically sick and very capable of murder. What kind of person shags her lover in his home surrounded by photos of his kids and his wifes possesions? He denies he shagged her in the house and she came once for paperwork and another time with a friend for a curry. I told him if he had nothing to hide he would have told me and besides, given his record for lies and deceit i'm not sure i believe a word he has said. I told him that they have both been followed for months and that our house had been watched...

I said he had embrassed colleagues with his beviour and they had picked up on the vibes and were placed in a difficult postion. He said that ow's in laws were saying things that were untrue and they were out to get him. I said they deserve everything they get and hope they get hung, drawn and quartered, he is lucky to have his job, the school solicitors are involved and the executive committee. He said he would resign before he was pushed and we needed to talk finances but i told him to stop running and face the consequences, the kids and i were not about to lose our home because of his seedy affair. I said from a professional point of view it would be better if he severed all tyes with her on the work front and never appeared on the poolside alonside her again.

Major backslides, but I have nothing left to lose, right now I wouldn't take him back, not that he is coming back. I said I was tired of his continous lies and deceit and it was time for honest talking, but would i believe it and does it matter now anyway?. I feel like he is a stranger to me, I didn't know he was so capable of this.

I thought about the comment KML made about only bored people are boring, and his comment about the bedroom not bein fun, well it takes two, he has been a boring arse, a lazy father until recently, and not an attentive husband either.

He keeps throwing up the old resentment issue about my daughets, i said i felt sad for him that he can't change the record from been on replay all the time and that he is in a place he cant put it al behind him and move on. I reiterated again, that he took us on wilingly, he spent the thousands on holidays willingly and that he was just trying to justify his affair.

Lots of other stuff was said but this is the geist.

I also said he seems to be in teh habit of picking up married women, i pointed out he was moaning about resentments in our M and my d's and yet he was about to take on another mans 2 boys....

I just don't understand why he didn't make a clean break last may? there has been a 3rd person all along, i trusted im when he said there wasn't even though my gut was telling me there was. We went on holiday to greece in july to try and make a go of it. He said i was buring my head in the sand during July and August when trying to 'act as if'. Then he says he's leaving again in August, but doesn't till I reach the point in Oct that I cant live with the stress anymore and ask him to leave. I set a boundary when i knew OW had left her H and said, lets not see other people at this time b/c i would find it hard to cope with, he denied again OW. Things improve, we have loads on connection, i felt we were really building bridges, lots of text commuinication over xmas about how traumatised and emotional he was, how it was his worst xmas and new year. He spent loads of money on my xmas and b'day presents. Then we go skiing in Feb, he takes me to wedding reception.

All the time he was having an affair, why all the lies and deception? he said to my friend on wednesday that he was just trying to maintain a friendship, my friend pointed out to him that his behaviour has been misleading and given me a sense of false hope. He said 'but she kicked me out'. My friend said i had no alternative as he had placed me in a position that forced me to make the decision for him.

is he in or out? was he keping his options open incase it didnt work with OW?

Sorry it's so long, i'm partly journaling and partly venting and partly throwing out questions.

I've been kicked own twice now by him. I hope its been worth it.

x eve