One thing that I didn't make very clear in my first post is that while I know that H has been involved in some way (pretty sure it started as EA but has definitely moved to PA) with OW since last fall, I really don't believe that H has any real idea about how much i have figured out.
Back a year or so ago, when I got bombed on the same day that I discovered that he had purchased her a Xmas gift and saw his car at her house, he characterized their R as "talking about what divorce was like...that she'd been 'helpful' to him in understanding things (she was in the process of a divorce at that time...she and her 2 sons took Taikwondo at the same school as my two sons, so we had passing acquaintance...)" We all know how that goes... a month or so later he mentioned that he was still 'talking' to her when we had a very nonproductive R talk (pre-DB). The last time he mentioned her name was back in June when we had a less nonproductive R talk, and he mentioned that she was the only person he had talked to about whether to divorce or not (while accusing me of talking to all my friends about it...and how he couldn't ever socialize with them in the future), and that she'd "been a big help to me..." GAG!!
Shortly before this same time, H and I had a major blowup when I stood my ground on the idea that if/when we Sep, H would move out for 6mos-1year, then he would move back to our house for a year or so (after I had found a place to live) before we sold. I just said no, that I would stay in the house until it sold, since this was his choice...big fireworks, off came his ring, down to the couch to sleep. H spent a few weeks making inquiries on apts. and talking about looking at our budget to figure out 'what he was going to do...', but after a weekend trip away with our Ss, it hasn't been mentioned again...
But H has never admitted anything about an actual affair, and takes great pains to hide his deceit... In truth, we function very well as a family, and actually spend a lot of time together that way, and our daily routine seems quite normal (H even moved back upstairs to our room about a month ago during the R drama)
A long time ago i made the decision to try to hang in there and see if it would end on its own, while i was working hard on making changes that I needed to address. Some days/months are easier than others; and recently I've let myself get emotionally drawn into some serious drama between them(accidental discovery that allows me to have more insight into the course of their R), which initially gave me real hope that the R was imploding...then when it didn't, gave me a real hit to my PMA... that old curse of Mr. expectations rearing his ugly head!
I am doing better again...and what I still want at this point is to keep my family intact, and to build a new, good relationship with my H (who i still love, and who i could forgive). I feel very strongly that both my H and I got us to where we are over the course of a very long time... and I owe it to my Ss to do everything in my power to not bail on them.
This is based on my own moral and ethical beliefs...not a religion-based idea of 'standing' that i've seen here a lot...but more just that this is what I need to be doing right now.
Gosh, it's quittin' time at work... I hope everyone has a great weekend! We're off to a fun Irish pub to celebrate friday!
