I say you do what you want to do. And try to detach from her reactions. That's oh so hard. Do what you want to do, for YOU. Don't do something to get a reaction from her--that is still letting her set your agenda to some extent. It's easier for me, as I'm out of the house and she doesn't see what I do each day, so I can imagine it must be hard not to watch her reactions. They are her issues, not yours. Have a great trip. Try not to think about her. I know, easier said than done.
BT - I am so happy you are having a blast on your ski vacation. I know this is anti-DB, but in your case, I think you should seriously consider divorce.
The chemistry is not there. Go find your true love.
Great to hear you are enjoying yourself. Keep at it! Don't relive last week; I know, we all do that at times, but I've found life really is better when I'm not reliving the past, either good or bad times. Get fully in the present moment, create that moment to be what you want it to be, and let go of what she was doing last week. She's going to do her thing, and you do yours. Detachment means not wondering what she is thinking, why she is doing something, or doing something yourself to get some reaction from her. Live your life for you. If she wants to be a part of that, she'll let you know and you'll have to decide if you want her.
Thanks guys. Had trouble sleeping last night. Thinking to much. We are really having a great time. Detaching is tough. No contact what so ever since Wednesday. This feel s good.
My W and I pushed each other away long ago. I also had a physical issue that has been completely corrected that I/we knew nothing about. So I need to weight that also.
But all that aside I am not feeling really good about our R. I feel she really has lost her feel for me. We have not had any contact since Wednesday which I think is good.
What do you people think? I am thinking way to much of her on this trip. I wish I could block it out.
She may have lost her feelings for you, or, more likely, buried them way down inside to the point where she cannot feel them or "access" them. That is so hard to experience from your/our side. I've been there, and still am to a degree.
Try working through some of Susan Anderson's books on abandonment. She outlines various stages of the shock and then recovery process, and she is very good at laying out how abandonment fears and the emotions we LBS feel manifest themselves in our lives, sometimes in ways we are not fully aware of. She also has some good exercises for dealing with recognizing and coping with the myriad of emotions we're feeling. It will be well worth your time to track her books down, or visit her site at abandonment.net.
Thanks Bruce. I will check that out. Anything will help at this point. I just get the feeling she is so far gone it is not recoverable. I am not giving up yet but I often have thoughts of how nice it may be on the other side of all this.
Skiing has been great. No hassles, no arguements just great times and working my body hard. I love it.
