I think I am ok for now, yeah. I am mostly numb but also sad. I was watching Cold Mountain while I folded laundry, it was on cable and I have never seen it before. If you haven't seen it Nicole Kidman is waiting for Jude Law to come back from the Civil War. She writes him a letter and they do a voice over and you hear her saying, "Come back to me, come back to me...." I know H isn't gone to war but it made me cry b/c I am wanting the real H to come back to me.
And then when they finally reunite and he is so amazed and awestruck to finally be in her presence again after working so hard to get back to her, I cried again. B/C I want to feel loved like that. Like I am a treasure that is worth working so hard for, and like I am so appreciated just by being me and being here, now, for the person who loves me....
Anyway stuff like that upsets me. But otherwise I am just numb and amazingly in a good way I guess I have no desire to call H. There is nothing left to say. I have done all I can do. My only obligation now is to me and to S and D.
The only downside since I posted a few hours ago is my phone has rung showing "Unknown Caller" about 5 times in 2 1/2 hours. When H used to call me from the office it would say "Unknown Caller". Telemarketing here usually shows the 800 number or organization they are calling from....
Anyway the first 2 times they hung up before I got to the phone. The second 2 times they hung up after I answered, right away. The last time whoever called sat on the line for about 25-30 seconds. I just said, "If someone wants to talk to me, please talk. Otherwise, please don't call anymore". And hung up. I am not going to even answer if they call again, it isn't worth the effort. But since H said in the letter last night he assumes OW and I will want to chat I am wondering if it is her. I have not a word to discuss with her, what good would that do anyone, and I don't owe her a thing........
But anyway I am mostly numb and partly sad... Thanks for checking on me. No word from H. I am assuming he will not be down until tomorrow.
