Kim, How are things going? You still doing ok? It's great that you and your H seem to be connecting again. I'm sure it's helping you get over the OM, too.
Joie, OK first off, on the bowling again...In a normal week I bowl two nights, Monday and Tuesday. Well last week I bowled Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday nights, by Wednesday I was asking myself what was I thinking? I started bowling on Mondays with H a couple of years ago, so we had a night to do something together. Well I ended up not having a whole lot of fun because H is very competive, so if he is not winning he is not the happiest person. So this year I told him that I only wanted to bowl with him part time because I really did not want to bowl two nights a week full time. That did not seem to work out, a guy on our team got bumped to second shift so he was not able to bowl anymore. I was planning on bowling tuesday nights with the girls, and that was it. H did sell most of the racing parts and etc. this weekend but he did keep enough to run a race or two. There are several guys that run will only run a few races and call it good for the season, and he is now one of them.
Funny thing is now we have enough from the sale of all of that stuff to paid off one of our credit cards. Which one we are still working on figuring out. H is afraid that once all the debt is taken care of I will leave still. I don't blame him one bit there, but the one card that he wants to pay off we have had paid off before and HE jacked it back up to where it is now. He is the only one who is on that card. When I paid off my cards I canceled all but one an lowered the limit to an amount that I knew I could handle with or with out him.
Yes doing stuff with H is helping with missing OM. Yesurday I found myself lost in thought and it was about OM. Just more or less wondering what he is saying about me.
I am back...I have had no time to get on here hardly at all over the last couple of days. Work is crazy and I have not been home long enough to even think about getting on line.
But things with H are going wonderfully. Still answering alot of his questions, and help him through the tough times. I hoped that we were through the thick of it until it became quiz time again on Monday night. We were up until about 1am talking and working through things again. We were working through the fact that the OM was a friend of mine and that he was included in somethings this summer while the A was going on. I was bold to say the least. And that H had asked me a couple of times if there was anything going on and I denied it. But I do believe that is all normal, All I have to do now is be honest and truthful with him and keep the lines of communication open with H and life will be good.
H had another C appt today and he and his C agreed that I should come back with the next appt. From the run down that H gave me the C feels that we are going to be fine as long as the lines of communication stay open. But the C works with those who have addictions, the C seems to focus on that subject an awful lot. That is about the only thing that I don't really like but other than that from what H has said about him, the C is kind of growing on me. But time will tell. I know that you all have said if you don't like our C fire 'em. I should have done that the last time, with the lady that I had the first time around, she was awful. I hated going to see her, I was doing cart wheels leaving from my last appt with her.
Last night at bowling was a bit tough for me. You see there were SEVERAL people there that I met while I was out with the OM. And knowing that they all know by now what is going on, it was a bit hard not knowing what OM told them about what happened between us to end things for good. OM has a my space page and I for what ever reason pulled it up and read some of the comments and read what he wrote as comments on others pages, he was not trashing me but he definatly outed me to a person or two. I know he knew what he was getting into the whole time, I agree. But up until now he has NEVER even mentioned me or the A that was going on.
But have to head to the hockey game, our local OHL team has a home game tonight and D and I are going to it. We have season tickets that is something that we will have to talk about getting next year again. I don't want to go to every single one of them but there are times that I do want to go and we only have two seats now but the seat next to ours is normally open so we have been able to buy that ticket for me to go the games that both D and I want to go with H.
I am doing fine, its kind of strange though, I don't miss OM like I did last week. I think part of it is the fact that I can now talk to H about it openly and honestly.
Whoa!!! Now that's enlightening! Thank you for sharing this. What your saying helps support the theory that affairs flourish in secrecy. That being open offers an opportunity for closeness... while secrets are more likely to create distance. Very very interesting.....
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
You see there were SEVERAL people there that I met while I was out with the OM. And knowing that they all know by now what is going on, it was a bit hard not knowing what OM told them about what happened between us to end things for good. OM has a my space page and I for what ever reason pulled it up and read some of the comments and read what he wrote as comments on others pages, he was not trashing me but he definatly outed me to a person or two.
Ah, that's just the price you pay. Hopefully a little reminder why it's not a good idea to get involved with something that can cause later regret and embarassment. It will all pass. I'm glad to read your husband is taking it well and your marriage seems to be doing fine.
I think a difficult thing about spouses having an affair is when the opportunity arises for the other, they have a good enough reason to go ahead with their own A. Hopefully your H won't find it a good excuse in the future to have another one himself (The "Well, you did it, why shouldn't I?" excuse).... and then you have one following. Yikes!!!! You'd think the trouble they cause would hinder anyone from doing it. But I think it's probably like childbirth. Yeah, it was painful, but in time you forget just how painful it was.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Kim, Glad to hear you and your H are still progressing.
I know it's hard to be around people who knew about the A. Thankfully, my H kept his A out of our close circle of friends. He has friends that I don't hang with (don't care for them) that know and knew what was going on. If I did hang around with them, it would be tough.
H is calling me during the day now, which is nice. He is checking in on me to see how I am doing and when I have time in my day I do the same to him. He is not always as available when I call him; I understand completely he is at work you know. That is something that the OM did for me but I have not clued H in on it at all, kind of funny I think. I would like to try and squeeze a lunch in a couple times a month with H too, he has a half hour and I have a full hour, where he works at we can call in an order to a bar near by and it will be ready and waiting even with our drinks, when we get there. Also I have been sending him some e-mails complaining about a co-worker or two at times, just when I am about to explode on them, I vent to H in the e-mail and feel much much better. I feel this way he does have a clue what I do at work all day long other than 'play' on the computer. I do try to do IT work, when I am there, no formal training, but working on that, so I do 'play' on the computer a lot.
With H selling off about 3/4 of his racing stuff we got a good chuck of change to put on bills that we have. BUT we got some news yesterday that deals with the business that H had for a while. It was a repo company, and H sold the truck to the guy that used to drive for him and now H can not find him. He bought the truck on terms with H, there was a contract signed drawn up by our lawyer so there is legal stuff to back it up. But the thing that is bugging me is the amount that H sold the truck for was to pay off the company credit card that was used to get through a rough winter last year, there were several costly repairs that were done. I was stressing last night and this morning about having yet one more bill to pay out of our pocket rather than getting paid by the truck payments that were coming. Normally this would have been something I would have called the OM to b!tch about. I worked through it and I will talk to H more about it tonight. One of the things that we have going for us to find the guy that bought the truck, he family is still in the area. And we know that his mom was misusing her job position to pull credit reports on the people who were up for repo, to get their new updated addresses. She did it for us unknowingly; we had a company that we paid for them to run an address look up for us. In addition to that we actually tried to get that service through one of the credit reporting companies, but we found that there was too much red tape involved. So H is going to see what his mom has to say before he uses that to get information out of her. And his dad is also around but H has never met this guy, but knows that he lives in a town not that far from ours. But all H wants to do is get the truck back so we can try and sell it on eBay or something like that and get some of the money out of it that we need.
But H has a way of spinning things to the positive side. With us being able to pay off the credit card with the lowest on it and paying down one of the other ones we should still be in OK shape, financially. This is one of the things that we really really really need to get on the same page with, he feels that we are OK living pay check to pay check, but I am not. I want to have that little cushion in the bank just in case some thing does happen to one of our jobs, we live in MI…hello…and he does work in the auto industry. Luckily he does have a skilled trade behind him and another one that is almost complete, tool and die, and electrical. He started at the shop shortly before he had enough hours in to complete his electrical journey mans card. So those hours and everything as far as I know are still good so there will just be some school work and about an other 6 months worth of being an apprentice before he would be ready to take the test for that. My job does not really have a lot of ties to the local economy but you never know what could happen.
I haven't posted on your thread in a while. I think the last time I did it was to ask why things hadn't ended. I'm glad to see they have ended with OM and that things are going so well with you and your H. That's wonderful. I am very happy for you.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Ok update on how things are going for me... I am still doing OK without OM in my life, yes there are times that I wish he was there, I know that he was bad for my R with H from the begining. H and I have talked alot about what OM did and why he did it and why I let it happen. Remember it was MY choice for the A, I could have said no. I believe that H is understanding too why it happened and what his part of the problem was, has he come around to own up to it yet, not quite, but that is something that takes time. I know this because it took me a while to finally come to terms with my flaws when H had his A. I guess the whole thing is we both are looking at ourselves to make sure something like this will not happen ever again. One thing that we both understand is that there was a break down of the communication between us, and we are both looking at how that happened and not to let it get to the point that it was. There is one thing that H keeps bringing up when we talk, when he had his A we were constantly fighting and for mine we weren't. He felt because we weren't fighting things were great, but in reality they weren't. Fighting with him was like yelling at a wall, he was not hearing anything that I was saying, and in fact I didn't care to hear what he was saying either. I know at one point during the A I told OM, I don't care what H does it won't change my mind on leaving him. Now in the back of my mind I kept thinging about all of the things that I read about A that when reality sets in everything is not all roses and sunshine. That the A will fizzle out and that feeling of WOW would be gone. Knowing that I still kept on with the A why, that is still something that I am working on, am I looking for an answer in the next week, or even month, no that is something that will take time for me to figure out. This is a bit rambling sorry about that but just some things I thought to get out there.
Now on to better things... H and I have a full weekend planned and even some of it includes our D. We have the last two home hockey games before the play offs start, Friday and Sunday. Saturday night H and I are going to a fund raiser that we have been going to for about 4 or 5 years now. The group that we have been bringing in has been getting bigger and bigger each year. When we started there were 4 or 5 of us, now we have two full tables full, 20 people, funny thing is we don't even belong to the association that it is for. We go because it is a really fun evening out. On Sunday before the hockey game the union that H belongs to is having a pancake breakfast, and Easter egg hunt, before thier normal monthly meeting. So D and I will go for that, and probably stay for the meeting just to see what it's all about, but D and I will play that one by ear.
Kim, You and your H do so much together. That is great. I can't get my H to do much with me! I'm really involved in Scouts, and he helps out there. He's really into NASCAR and I got into when we got married. Used to go to races with him. But then the kid came along and I stopped going. Anyway ... I'm really jealous that you get to do so much with him. That's great.
