My husband is having an affair

[alwayshoping]

Just had a phone conversation with H. Everytime I see his number I feel this overwhelming sense of nervousness with what he is going to say. Is he calling to say....what are your plans tonight because I wanted to go away tonight or I filed for the divorce or who knows...but I just get nervous. Anyway..

He was calling to find out if I was picking up our S4 from daycare and if I had any plans tonight. He was hoping to spend time with his friend...not OW she lives 3 hours away...so I know he isn't planning on that.

He also brought up and asked that I don't talk to his friends about our sitch.....which I truly don't. I believe he needs to have his friends to lean as I....the only thing I did...as I am not perfect was that last weekend when his close friend called for him..I said that he was gone to his girlfriends and then I immediately apologized and said that I shouldn't have said that. Of course his friend did not mention my apology, but I told H of it. I am frustrated that he is okay with telling me to respect his friendships ( and I will cuz It's the right thing to do) but how hypocritical is that request when he shows total disrespect for me by continueing to have a relationship with OW and not make any plans for S or D. Understandly we have a house that needs to sell before we could formally have separate living arrangments, but what he is doing is wrong.......right!

H then talked about how he understood that this situation was difficult with him seeing OW (well he just talks about the situation doesnt actually say OW) but we both know what he means. And that he is trying to be respectful of me and knows that this is hard on me.

WTF....I am not sure how to even respond when he does this. I am not okay with this and I want to work on our M and I have made that clear. He feels that he's not in love and doesn't have it in him....of course not you fool your attaching yourself to someone else. This is not what we talked about today, just what we have talked about in the past....of which I stay very clear of these OW and R talks now. I just listen to what he has to say.

I was feeling strong and now feel frustrated again. This is really hard I don't know how some of you have kept up so long. So I BREATHE!!!!!! RELAX!!!! REGROUP!!!! vent here and off I go.....into this messed up life of mine.

I think I am going to do something with my son tonight that would be fun to take my mind off of things.

Thoughts anyone!!!!!