You don't have to allow cake-eating. Even in strict DBing, you are encouraged to set personal boundaries. Last summer, my 47yo wife had an affair with her 29yo personal trainer. I was devasted, and I insisted that she end it -- several times. I of course couldn't FORCE her to, but I could:
- tell her the conditions by which I was willing to remain married to her (and an "open marriage" wasn't one of them);
- tell her that my patience wasn't infinite (I ultimately re-confronted her at 60 days, and by 90 days, the affair was dead and she came to me in tears begging me to take her back);
- insist that certain boundaries be followed: no calling or receiving calls, or texting from the house. Also, no calling or receiving calls even when NOT home, in front of the kids. She respected these boundaries, even while carrying on her affair.
