Oh yes, "you aren't meeting my emotional needs" is a classic in emotional abuse! People who are interested in their partner meeting their needs are able to state what those needs are and discuss how we, as a couple, can work together to meet each others needs. I got "well, if I have to tell you then you just don't get it!" There is no possible grounds for success in such a scenario, you are set up to fail. My W wouldn't work on communication, it was all my shortcomings that needed to be fixed. When she says "I'm not sure how I feel about you anymore" that should be an alarm bell that rings out for marriage counselling but my W wasn't interested, never suggested it and when I did she refused. It just chips away at you year after year and steadily demeans and denegrates you. My W continues these behaviours even now, for example, if I call and say "how are you" she will reply "fine" but NEVER will ask "how are you". This is another way of saying "you are nothing". The other night I told her about buying some clothes for the kids and when they didn't fit I had to ....and her response was to walk away with no comment. Again, "you are nothing" is the message. The beauty of these signature moves is that they leave you wondering and if you mention it the reply is "you can interpret my actions any way you want" (which is called "devaluing", an abusive tactic). I think it is good to recognize that what was happening was not just "we weren't meant to be together" but that one party was emotionally abusing the other. I don't believe my W was consciously trying to tear me down but I think she needed an outlet for her unhappiness and it was me. As you said FLTC, who needs it. I think I'm strong enough now to look at what happened and start to deal with it. My best friend has said for years "you're being emotionally abused". I think it's time to face it and deal with it.
