I think you need a clean break somewhere around here. No more dwelling, discussing, translating, hurting. You need to distcnce from him and lick your wounds. He needs to figure out his s$*t before he approaches you again. It's not going to be easy for you but it hasn't been easy so far either. Do not panic, your dream of your life together isn't gone yet. Even if you wanted it to die right this minute, you can't force that unless you are ready. And you are not...
Just a tip :Going dark on the phone means you NEVER ask a question and whenever he does, you answer with something that doesn't need explanation or creates more questions. It feels like you constantly leave him hanging. I did that for 3 months, it worked fine and believe me, he'll notice. Polite, distant, strictly business. When a lot needs to be discussed (arrangements for the kids etc) use the email. Hand the phone to your little ones when he calls and don't take it afterwards unless he asks for you. Very soon it becomes a habbit... (for you, never for him)
