I posted this on the other thread I started here in piecing but wanted to put it here as well where I can delve a bit more into my sit than I want to on that thread. That thread I want to keep for more general discussion allowing others to post in a way that doesn't require knowing my whole sorid story.
so for those who've followed at least the bits and pieces of my saga over the past 6 years....
I did not mean to imply with my post that the WAS are right in the way they go about leaving (OW, dropping "bombs" etc). I meant what if they really were right to have left and for whatever reason we just couldn't, haven't, don't want to accept the truth and are holding onto that "promise", "commitment", "vow", "document" and not seeing the truth.
I am not talking about the marriages that hit a rough patch and had a spouse bail out I'm talking about the m that probably shouldn't have happend to begin with.
How do you know the difference between a marriage that just went bad for various circumstances that can be fixed vs. a marriage that SHOULD have ended.
and of course if you do come to the decision that yours was/is a marriage that SHOULD have ended but your WAS suddenly doesn't think so how do you know your not seeing things in the same way they once did and only THINK, FEEL, believe (yes smaller letters) it truley SHOULD have ended.
does anyone have a crystal ball.
How do you know when your an "alien" or just an intelligent, rational, reasonable person who see's things for what they are and knows the m SHOULD be over.
OK so why I brought this here....
what if my h came home for all the reasons I gave him to come home? When he was leaving and wanted a D he gave me the "ILY but NOT In LWY" line...to which I replied "I'm not in love with you either but love you and some what not about the family etc." I recall pointing out that things would change over the years as the children grew etc. I also recall knowing back then (actually before knowing about OW) and stating to h that we couldn't just drift along waiting until retirement to enjoy eachother that if we didn't spend time fostering a r as the years go by there wouldn't be one by then...that it would be unlikely we'd want to suddenly share our lives with the stranger we'd lived with for years. Could I be wrong? Is the part of m where your building your financial future and raising the children the part where you are seprate from eachother and then when the finances are set and children grown you get to enjoy each other? No that can't be right!
There are so many things in my head, so many ideas I can't get them strait.
I'm circleing again....a huge part of me KNOWS this m is over and probably should have ended when h left or at least shortly after he came home. BUT (yes LL's famous but), what if I'm wrong? What if I've been the was all along but it was h who had the a and left. What if I've just never been in this r to begin with? That can't be right either. Is the fact that I the open LBS betrayed spouse was never happy to begin with or shocked when he did leave a sign that I was to blame (let's face it some of the LBS here weren't behaving very well and had some things that needed fixing it wasn't all the was fault) or was it h finally realizing and acting?
I could go on and on but I'll stop and see if anyone can understand what I'm trying to get at here.
