Hey Dar..sorry you are having a hard time, it must be lonely, with a child to look after as well.
It doesnt sound like you cope at all with NC..I suggested you call someone else instead of calling/emailing him, but you dont mention how you are coping with that, it seems there is always "news" of what he is up to, so you must be contacting him daily?
I think the reason your sitch is still stuck 18 months later is becuase your behaviour is stuck. And yes, he can just bomb and walk off 18 months ago but you cant yel at him...becasue he left you and that was HIS decision. As painful as it is for all of us here, you cant make someone love you.
If you really really want to do what you can to get yur H back (and not give up, as clearly you havent)..you need to start behaving diffrently. Stop calling/emailing him unless it really is URGENT. If you need to arrange childcare, send him a short friendly email about it, sure you can add, hope you are ok or hope your neck is better...but leave it at that, no questions. You are making it easier for him to stay away from you, reading your posts I can pick up how needy you are...and he doesnt want to fill that need, he wants to be free right now. This may change, but in the meantime, you are literally driving him away by trying to cling on to him..its human nature, its not rocket science! Can you try, really really hard to be good to yourself and see if you cant turn this sitch around by actually DBing!?? if you are weak (as I was) - get some support, phone your Mum or friend and pressure?
I am an observer and I am really wanting to help you here and it doesnt look hopeless (he hasnt filed yet) but you need to change something..you change one thing in life, everything changes.
Just try !!?? What have you got to lose, you havent got him now anyway...Thinking of you, I can hear your struggles and loneliness and I feel it too..
