Thanks for the input guys. Still don't know what I am going to do. I know you think I should be around other people but I am just at such a loss for words. I don't know how I could be with my friends or family and just hang out like it's a regular old Saturday afternoon or whatever when my marriage, and through it my hopes and dreams for me, H, and the kids, is falling apart around me...I don't want to have to wear a "game face" right now....
Also Woog it probably doesn't make a difference but FYI when he refers to previous problems he means this: Wichita: where he had affair #1
Boise: when we lived there he took a business trip to Tokyo and took a stripper back to his hotel room one night. Admitted it to me as soon as he got back from the trip. At the time said he slept w/her. At MC this past winter he said they just "messed around" Doesn't really matter either way does it?
Strippers: pretty self-explanatory. But embarrassingly enough for me to admit, when we were newlyweds (me 22 H 23) I went with him a few times, even with some of his coworkers once. I didn't think it was a big deal at the time b/c when we got home I was the one who got action. How dumb was I? But anyway once the Tokyo thing happened I said no more strippers ever again, you showed you can't handle yourself....so every so often he'd go on a business trip and via reading our bank records (large withdrawals, etc) I would figure out he'd gone to the strippers again...
Other stuff: Finally, he got into phone sex for awhile. About 3 months into our marriage I was organizing our bill files and saw on his credit card from college that he called these places a lot while in college. Decided that was college guy stuff, no big deal as we are married now. But after 18 months of marriage I found out through the bills again that he had spent $1500 on phone sex calls in the prior 2 yr period (6 mos before our marriage up until that present time)
I am not sure what causes him to "hate" women as he says. If he blames them for his weakness, if he feels they jerk him around, what. His mom is no picnic she is very dependent/controlling, she will do things for her family but then it is "What do I get from you for all I have done FOR you?" Basically she feels she is owed for her mothering her kids....But otherwise he only had one real girlfriend before me and that was in High School so I can't picture anything too traumatic there. She was overweight and pushy (kind of like his mom!) and by the time he broke up w/her he said he didn't know why he ever dated her in the first place...so it isn't like he ever had his heart ripped out by a woman...
Oh well it is, as you accurately said, his problem to solve, not mine. I want to go pitch dark but I also want to know what we are doing about the weekend. I am solid on him having the kids b/c little Nate (5 1/2) has been counting the days on the calendar until Daddy comes back home...But H did not reply to my reply to his e-mail last night, and hasn't called or TM-ed me either. I want to make sure he is still coming down tonight b/c S thinks he is. How can I make sure of that and STILL be dark??
