Piecing? Sexual issues? hmm...not sure

[sandi2]

Mom of 2

I know how you feel.


Sandi

[sandi2]

Mom of 2,

I posted that on another person's thread, but you were talking about your H reading your posts and has now left the board, etc. You said you did not have desire for him and that there was something that just turned you off (or something to that affect). That was what I meant by I know how you feel.

I am much in the same boat as far as not feeling the desire. I had an EA over internet. Never met OM in person. But the problems and lack of desire stated long before OM came into the picture.

I also understand some other things you stated in that person's thread, but won't go into it at this time. I'll talk later to you.

Take care.

Sandi

[Michael Mc C]

wow sandi, you sound like my wife. she met OM on internet (a game) and fell really hard for him. They, too, never met. He is gone now but my marriage is, at this point, just plugging along. very little interest in intimacy - physical or otherwise.

I have had been very tempted to push her one way or the other. As long as we're sharing the house, I just don't see how she can see me for who I am. She has told me that she finds me very attractive again but it seems that there is simply no spark.

Mom of 2 - did not realize your H stopped reading posts although I can understand it. Has anything changed in your sitch since we first met?

[sandi2]

Dear Michael,

You are invited to come to my thread and talk more, if you want. I am in the Piecing forum.

Sorry for the hijack, Mom of 2. How are you doing today?

Sandi

[Mom of 2 Cherubs]

Michael - i don't think he has stopped reading all my posts. He has sloweed down considerably in posting his own though. Not sure if that is good or bad.

Sandi - No worries about hijacking my thread - that is typically the only way i get to know about and hop over to read other threads. I just can't seem to go through all the people's stories on here by just pcking a thread that seems to be similar. I spen way too much time jsut reading and reading and most of the time i get very angry reading the posts actually. That is because i am the WAW and people on here thend to be the LBS and are hurt and angry and express that in no uncertain terms. I think i am just too sensitive.

I plan to read about your sitch because i am curious how you are handling it.

[sandi2]

Mom of 2 Cherubs,

That is why I was so glad to see a forum strickly for the WAS, but there are some that still do not understand that and the LBS are coming there to post about their WAS. It is frustrating, but maybe in time it will get straightened out. It is very new. I have told some men off about their attitudes toward WAW's b/c it seems to be the LBM that are worse and lash out at the WAW so harshly. But, the majority of the fold here have been very hurt by the WAS, so we have to keep in mind that they have not heal from that hurt and for sure haven't forgiven. However, there are a lot of us walk aways here and hopefully we can gather over on that forum to help each other. Don't give up.

Sandi

[Michael Mc C]

I have to admit that I'm happy for the opportunity to get some insight into the "other side". I have known my wife for 20 years and yet still find myself struggling to understand exactly what brought us here and what she is thinking/feeling now.

Things are so much better than they have been but I have so many questions and doubts.

At one point she told me that she was feeling miserable and I mentioned that her misery was obviously because the OM walked away and that I thought it was horrible that she wasn't feeling miserable about what has happened to our marriage. That was one of our last BAD relationship talks (2 months ago maybe?) - she stopped dead when I made that comment and said "How can you possibly think that YOU know what is going on inside of me? Don't ever bring OM again. I DO feel miserable about what happened to US."

[sandi2]

Dear Michael,

I think I can understand how your W feels. She feels ashamed for the pain she has caused you and family. She feels rejected by OM and (this is the hard part for you) she feels grief over OM. I know it isn't fair to you and it sounds awful and crazy, but Michael, please give her time and some space to "grieve" over the loss of OM. This will require great patience from you.

I chose to drop my OM, but I still went through the grieving process, and sweetie, it took me a lot longer than three months that I had read would be about the length of time. But, she can do it if she chooses to do it. She must be willing to make up her mind to get over him. If she pines away for him like a sick puppy.....it's going to be a long haul.

Anyway, just trying to give you this side of the fense's POV. I know it is horrible for you. Hope you can stand firm, be soft at the times she needs you, and hang in there.

Sandi

[hopeforfuture]

Michael - i don't think he has stopped reading all my posts. He has sloweed down considerably in posting his own though. Not sure if that is good or bad.

Haven't stopped reading Mom's posts or others. I often find myself just getting frustrated when reading some of these situations. I think it tends to stir up some of my old emotions, so I sometimes wonder how healthy it is for me in our current situation. I'm still trying to keep up with the threads of those that I've been following, but I am sometimes hesitant to post. This goes both for looking for advice and for giving advice. Because things have been much better, I hesitate to complain about some little thing that pales in comparison to what others are going through here.

Here's an example...
This past Sunday, I was really looking forward to ML after a day of lots of flirtatious activity. When we went to bed, W wasn't interested, and I got noticably frustrated. I think we both ended up going to sleep a bit angry. I could try and justify my feelings, but my point is that I really shouldn't be complaining. Things have really been great in this department since we've started piecing. I just want us to work on keeping things going in this area. I know that whining or complaining about lack of intimacy is a definite love buster for my W, and I'm really working on keeping that in check.

How can I look for sympathy about my sexual issues from others on this board whose sex lives may be non-existant at the moment? Whaaa, poor me. I'm not getting it quite as much as I would like, Whaaa. If I think back to where we were just three months ago I would have to hit myself with a 2x4 for complaining like this.

So, things are definitely better. Much, much better. We are talking quite a bit more than we used to. I look forward to our talks while sitting at the dinner table after we eat. There is much more affection and intimacy (and great sex). So for all of you out there still busting, there can definitely be a bright day at the other end of the tunnel and good things to look forward to. But there is always work to do and expectations change. I think it is very much a matter of staying focused on each other and setting aside lots of quality time.

Did I ramble too much??

[Mom of 2 Cherubs]

Sandi,

What is the name of your thread? You are very active on this board offering lots of support and guidance but I'd like to read about yur sitch specifically since i think it may be similar to mine.

Thanks!