Don't be too impressed. Broke my vow. H called a little bit ago and I asked him about calls to OW. H is STILL sleeping with her. So I am not dropping the rope. I don't have a rope anymore. He is the father of my kids now. That is how I will deal with him...so sad and yet also numb. Almost wish for blissful ignorance but it never stays blissful for long anyway...
Can't be in the same room with him showing him PMA when he is f**ing someone else, but tells counselor he is not comfortable getting physical with me??? So will find a way to let kids be with him while I take an indefinite break from H....
Yes he did. He called to talk to me. Said he was so exhausted that instead of working on the basement this weekend, he thought he would just "relax". I said, "Here with us?" H said yes, home w/you and the kids. I said, Oh, I thought you may want to relax w/your friends. He asked why the attitude and I said nothing would make me happier than having him spend the weekend relaxing with me. He said why didn't you just say that then?
I replied: B/C BIL sent me our phone bill and I see you are still talking to OW 5 times a day 4 days a week and it makes me not want to relax w/you. He said "Oh" or something profound like that. I said "So you are still talking with her" H: Yes Me: And are you still physical w/her? H: Yes Me: Like this past week before you moved? H: Yes Me: And did you use protection since you weren't last time I asked? H: No... Me: So you know she is probably trying to get pregnant if she wants to keep you around permanently? H: I don't know.... Me: I have to go b/c S5 is coming down the hall. We can talk later to figure out how you see the kids this weekend. I just can't be around you right now....
I am probably not the best guy to talk to right now because I feel like Sh*t. Iknow what I should say is don't do anything drastic, think this through, take the night to think about this etc. But.......and tha is a big BUT, comes a time when WE have to sa enogh is enough. I am there NOW. Can not tell you what to do but I think you know which side I am leaning on. Your H DOES NOT DESERVE YOU. That is all there is to it.
Thanks John. Just got off phone w/H he called to say he was emailing me? Said he has so much inside and doesn't know how to say it (has been his problem our entire marriage, inability to communicate). I said if the bottom line of the message is how you can't leave OW and don't want to be w/me then save me the time of reading it. He said, no, it's not that. I said well then just hit me with the headline. He said I really don't know what is going to come out when I start typing. I said well I have written you enough and talked w/you enough that you know what I want/need/expect from you and from my M. He said I know. I said, And you know what I would expect from the man who marries our daughter, and how I expect our son to treat his wife. He said, I know. I said okay type away...
I will be up all night so if you want to share what he types...I will read it. Kind of weird that he calls you to tell you he is e-mailing you.
I really like what you said about expectations re your future son in law and your son's actions with his wife.
I will say this about your husband. Anyone who can do this does not deserve a good woman that you are. Maybe it is because of what I am going through but I can not imagine anything in an e-mail that will enable you to trust him short term.
NO. I don't know what he could type either. Except, I had a brain tumor and I just went to the ER and they took it out and I am me again. (Too soap opera)
OR
I just got back from this alien planet where they cloned me and sent some freak alien back to live with you. It happened about a year ago...but I am back now ready to love you. (Too X files)
OR
I just called OW and told her to get bent! And I booked us a week in Tahiti with nothing to do but talk and spend time together. And I am wrong about every single thing I have done in the past ten months. But mostly wrong that I ever thought I could find anyone better than you (Too romance novel)
or finally
Did you hear on the news? OW got sucked up in a tornado and is gone forever. And with her leaving, every ounce of crap in me left too...(Too random)
Ok no more brainstorming. I am guessing it will just be more of the same:
I am just so lost, so confused, so mixed up right now. I just really don't know what to do or where to turn. I have screwed things up with my old job, with my parents, with my family, with you, with the kids, with my cattle business......I just seem to have ruined everything lately and I don't know how to change. But I NEVER wanted to hurt you, and I hope you can learn to forgive me in time, once I can forgive myself...
CRAP!!!TOTAL CRAP!
It is always about poor HIM, he didn't get to go to grad school b/c he married me (never told him not to go!!), he has always had to hide his feelings so he didn't hurt ME (never asked him to!), every bad thing always happens to him, blah blah blah
If it is mental illness/depression, then H, check your A$$ into the hospital for a little inpatient intervention. If it is just you being a d!ck, then SNAP OUT OF IT!! I can't keep riding this merry-go-round it stopped being fun from turn one......
How you can be funny under these circumstances is truly remarkable. It speaks volumes about the person you are. I'll say it again YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY. I actually felt bad that I laughed..... I'll wait for the real e-mail if you want to share. I am wide awake.
I may run away for the weekend, already told H the kids were all his. But can't seem to find anyplace warm within a day's drive of Kansas City. Flights are sky high due to late notice. Any ideas??
