I think that you are "reading into" that passage. You make it sound like the woman is "commanded to be" weaker. However, that is not so. The only command in that biblical passage is to the husband. The husband is commanded to treat her [with extra consideration, as if she is weaker] Please look it up. 1 Peter, 3:7
No-no, I didn't mean it like that at all. Sorry I left that impression. I was using more of the King James writing and didn't quote it.
I have been reading another lady's thread that sounded like her H and mine are a lot alike. She talks about how slow he is in making decisions, in thinking, everything. I felt for her.
In regards to the H being the head of the home, the leader, etc. and the W being the "weaker vessel".......my personal belief is that God gave the man a role and the woman a role to play in this life. I know that isn't good terms to use, but just bear with me. I believe that each gender is equal in God's eyes. But he gave us different roles or parts to have in our M. The man is not more important than the woman. I think that women have proven over the past just how strong they can be. To think we may even have a female president when there was a time in our own country the women couldn't vote! Well.....better not get off into politics, Bible discussion is enough...lol.
Believe it or not, I actually agree (I think) with you where the man is to treat the W as though she is weaker than he is. Physically, we are weaker and therefore the H should protect his W and his children. In the beginning, the man was to be the "breadwinner" and the W was to be the homemaker. Well, we know what has happened to our world since that time. Personally, I think women are spread so thin trying to "have it all" and be a career woman and be a wife and mom........it is all just too much and it will hurt R's in the end. I think that is why we are seeing so much trouble in younger M's today.....not enough time left in a day to spend with each other and family time. So, the M starts to crumble. Anyway, I still believe the man is to be the head leader and the wife the co-leader (especially with the kids).
I won't argue the other things you said Dom, I just don't know what to do to get it across to him what my needs are. The only way I know is to tell him and that doesn't seem to work, so give me suggestions. I don't know anymore.
I have figured something out after so many years. You know I told you how one of my biggest needs was for him to go to bed with me every night.....but he wouldn't do it unless he wanted sex. I know now that I needed emotional intimacy and he honestly did not know how to give it. He needed sex, but since he would go to bed with me when he wanted sex......I resented it terribly. If he had went to bed with me on a regular basis and we could have talked and snuggled and let it lead up to the sex....I would have been fine with it. But his way would be to go to bed and immediately start with the sex act. I tried for so many years to get him to understand what I needed and he acted as though he just didn't get it or didn't care.
I was talking to my mom about this and she reminded me that his parents did not sleep together and maybe he just did not grow up seeing that role model of the wife and husband in the M. My parents, on the other hand, would sit and talk about their day or what was going on in some other stuff, then they would watch TV or play games with us kids, then the TV was turned off and the entire family went to bed at the same time. My parents would lay in bed and whisper (sometimes I could hear my mom giggle) and I knew (after I was much older) that they were probably making love some of those times....but it made me feel secure knowing they had that type of M.
In our home, our TV is never turned off......ever! Not at night, not when we leave home.....never. That is him. At night, the lights are not turned off in the kitchen and a lamp is left on in the room where he sleeps, plus the TV. Weird...huh? When he leaves the house for work after I'm gone...he leaves the kitchen light on and of course all the TV's (we only have two). His parents lived in a two bedroom small house with the bathroom between the bedrooms. Two double beds were in each room. They had 4 boys. That is probably why his parents did not sleep together (I think that was his mom's idea, but don't know for sure). They left lights on and they allowed the boys to sit up and watch TV (after they were teenagers) as long as they wanted, even though they had school the next day. I don't know if he ever saw his parents "really" talk together. So, I told all of that to say that I think what we see played out before us growing up is what we expect our M to be like....but it seldom is b/c we M someone that came from a different family.
Anyway, if you have suggestions, let me know. I never did get into the Marriage Builder workbook b/c of his hours lately and b/c I just couldn't seem to get into the mood, to be honest, and he seems to be settled back into his comfortable ways again. As Forrest would say, "in that chair"!
I know this is long (as usual), but I'm going now to watch a boring TV show with my H. (lol)
Talk to you later.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
