Continuing on the path of letting go of her, I realize that it doesn't matter that she did or did not do things to help me when I was an emotional mess. The reality is that I was letting my own fears run my life and because of that I lost track of my 'self'.
That was MY responsibility. Sure, everyone can say that a real wife would have her husbands back and actually take action to help him. I can accept that I didn't have a 'real wife'.
I did meet her when she was young and I did protect her, take care of her, love her. She is who she is.
She's so far disconnected from me that there isn't any reason for me to think she'll ever change her view of the situation. Sometimes she's pleasant, sometimes she's not. She's rarely unhappy. Always she's detached. Talking to her is like talking to a roommate. Not even a friend. always a neutral tone.
She's living her own life now, she's let me go. So, I need to do the same thing.
The first order of business for me the past few days has been to continue to look at how I can dig out of the hole I'm in. She has been working more hours and trying to contribute to the financial situation, and when I thanked her for that, she said 'well, I have to because it needs to be done'. I suppose she sees she cannot just move out until she can get past the mess we're in.
Anyway, been hanging on too long to some kind of hope for our marriage where there really is none. There's a lot of hope for my future. just not with her.
